


The Season of Our Discontent

by EdwardsMate4ever



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Depression, Family Drama, Implied Mpreg, M/M, Major Original Character(s), Male Slash, Married Couple, Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-31
Updated: 2014-10-28
Packaged: 2018-02-11 05:16:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 33,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2055042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdwardsMate4ever/pseuds/EdwardsMate4ever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The third part of The Consequence of Heat Trilogy. All outside antagonists have been eliminated, but it’s the internal strife that hurts the most. Edward and Jacob have reached an ugly impasse in their relationship. Will they be able to repair the damage done, or are they doomed to fail? Rated M for Strong Angst and Marital Tension.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

Welcome to the third part of The Consequence of Heat and A Clash of Covens! For the details of this story to make sense, it is best if the first two parts are read before this one, as they will be referenced often. However, enough background information will be provided so that this story can stand on its own. I will be posting weekly, every Thursday.

The story takes place several years after A Clash of Covens and will focus on the internal marital struggles between Edward and Jacob, with no antagonists outside the main couple. They now live apart from the rest of their family in Northeastern Massachusetts, having moved there for the superior care available to their daughter, who has autism. Carlisle purchased a home in Western Massachusetts that he and the other Cullens visit often to be close to Edward, but they spend the majority of their time in Oregon, ruling vampire kind.

Edward and Jacob’s second child after Anthony is Sarah Elizabeth, an autistic girl on the milder end of the spectrum. She is precocious and is able to communicate, but she struggles with social skills and controlling her impulses and emotions. She has trouble recognizing people’s emotional state or tone of voice, and is prone to meltdowns, often in public. Sarah Elizabeth is five years old, but very smart for her age.

Their third child, William Mason, is one year old. He was named after Jacob’s father, Billy, who passed away before William was born. He is nicknamed Billy, just like his grandfather. He toddles around and just acts like an ordinary baby.

Their first son, Anthony, and his imprint/wife, Leah, still reside in Oregon on Carlisle’s compound. They will be featured when they come to Massachusetts for a visit. They will bring their daughter, Miracle Susan, nicknamed Mira. They call her that because Anthony’s existence is a miracle in itself and Leah was thought to be barren, so it was a miracle Mira was ever born.

That is all the background you need before Chapter One posts next week. I do hope you enjoy this final installment.

This story is told entirely from Edward’s POV.

Images of all the children can be found on my Facebook page - Edwards Mateforever

 


	2. Chapter 1

Edward POV

My kids and I were sitting around the dining room table, eating breakfast. Sarah was lost in her head, as usual, playing a word puzzle game on her tablet and picking gingerly at her dry breakfast cereal. No milk—Sarah can’t abide any food that is mushy. Billy and I were sharing a bowl of oatmeal. At one year old, he liked indulging his newfound independence, and he refused to let me spoon his food into his mouth. As a result, there was more oatmeal on the floor and in his hair than in his belly, but he was happy, so it was all right with me.

 

I ate another spoonful of my own oatmeal, relishing the taste of cinnamon on my tongue. Even though I’d been able to consume food for a while now, it was still a wonder to me. The act of eating was a novel feeling, one that I doubted I would ever take for granted again. One hundred years of thinking you’d never eat again would do that to a person.

 

In truth, I was more human than vampire at that point. Still unexplained after three pregnancies, all I knew for sure was that my babies, and the man who helped create them, had given me a second chance at life. With each subsequent child, my skin had become duller and softer, which left me looking more human. While I was still attractive to look at, I no longer stood out in a crowd as somehow otherworldly. I still needed blood every few months, but I mostly got by on human food. It seemed that growing life inside me had kick started my organ functions, so I was more or less a real boy again.

 

I was even beginning to show signs of aging, albeit very slowly. I probably looked more like a nineteen year old than a seventeen year old now. Helpful when you were carting around a five and one year old. When we noticed I was growing slightly older, Jacob stopped phasing; he didn’t want to outlive me. We decided to let life take its natural course, growing old and eventually accepting death as a necessity in the circle of life.

Watching Baby Billy play with his food made me miss my eldest son terribly. My little family lived in a town just north of Boston, but Anthony still lived in Oregon with Leah and the rest of our extended family. We had to move here for Sarah’s autism treatments—there was little other choice. Massachusetts was one of the best states for special needs care. The distance from our family was helped by the fact the Boston area was very accepting of two gay men raising two small children. Most of the time, no one even blinked an eye at our family. Not for _that_ reason, anyway. They stared when Sarah had meltdowns. But that was a whole other thing.

Jacob and I were on our own out here, all the way across the country from the ones who loved us. While Carlisle had bought a house in the Berkshire Mountains to have a landing pad close to us, he still spent most of his time on the compound in Oregon. He was the King of all vampire kind, so there was no helping that. I did wish I could see him more though. I missed my father’s unconditional love and support. I still had it, of course. It was just really far away.

 

Before Sarah was born, I was an integral part of his operation; Carlisle’s right-hand man, you might say. My mind-reading abilities played a key role in the building of his empire, and for that I was proud to have been of service. But with each new child, my mind, like my body, became more and more human. I could no longer hear a cacophony of voices in my head. I didn’t know what people were thinking all the time anymore. If I concentrated really hard, I could get bits and pieces—fragments of thought. Sometimes the fragments made sense, sometimes they didn’t, kind of like overhearing a conversation from a distance. You catch some things, miss others. For me, it was a beneficial side effect of the births. I always hated hearing everyone’s thoughts constantly. My babies had freed me.

 

Back when we still lived on the compound, I hadn’t been hidden away during my pregnancy with Sarah. Pretty much every vampire on Earth knew about the circumstances surrounding Anthony’s birth—a war was fought against the Volturi over it, after all. I was happy to have the freedom to move about the compound as I pleased and help Carlisle with the goings-on around the camp, but Carlisle’s acceptance of me didn’t stop the vitriolic thoughts of the vampires I passed by every day. Suffice it to say, I heard a lot of chatter in my head about what a freak I was, and how disgusting my relationship with a smelly dog was too. Thankfully, when it came time to give birth to Sarah, Carlisle knew better and gave me Demerol, which made that particular agony a lot more bearable.

 

Our children were physically strong, and never sick. Anthony had developed at a rapid pace, but Sarah’s development was more normally paced. Unfortunately, mine and Jacob’s superior, supernatural genes were not enough to save Sarah from autism. The cause of autism was still unknown, but professionals suspected environmental factors. Perhaps it was some chemical used on the compound while Wilhelm was still trying to find the proper formula for synthetic blood. Jacob used to work on the machinery in his lab a lot—maybe he’d inadvertently exposed me and our unborn child to it, whatever it was. In any case, it was pointless to speculate, and we accepted our situation as it was, moving across the country for the best available care for our daughter.

 

My third pregnancy happened entirely by accident. The consequence of Jacob’s heat, you might say. We were used to it by then, though. Carlisle was far away in Oregon, but we knew what to do. I was able to go out and about in baggy clothes until my bump was too big to pass off as a beer belly. Then Jake had to quit the job he loved in the auto shop in order to take Sarah to her therapy appointments. That was when we burned through my savings. Jacob delivered Billy in our bedroom with no anesthetic and Carlisle on the phone, guiding him through. It was a traumatic birth, but a quick one—my body knew what it was doing by that point and Billy shot out of me like a rocket. Good and bad, I suppose. Over quickly, but immensely painful.

 

When I had recovered enough to handle both kids on my own, Jake found that his boss had given his position to someone else. We had no money left, so he took whatever job he could find—a phone operator at a collections agency. A trying and stressful job to be sure. And that’s when the strain on our marriage began.

 

Suddenly, I was snapped out of my thoughts by a sharp poke in my arm. I looked over at my daughter, and her luminous brown eyes stared back at me, wide, bright and questioning.

 

“So, you’re the mommy then, right?” she asked bluntly.

 

Thrown by the randomness of her question, my eyebrows knitted together as I considered what she was asking. Sarah stared intently back at me, awaiting her answer.

 

 _Does she think I’m a girl?_ I bit my lip and replied, “Umm, well, no. I’m a daddy.”

 

“Yeah,” she conceded—at least she realized I was male. “But you stay home with me and take me to all my appointments and cook and clean. So, you’re a mommy.”

 

“Mama!” Billy shouted gleefully, flinging oatmeal to the floor.

 

My heart sank. She was right, after all. I _was_ the mommy. But I wished I weren’t. I couldn’t help but feel emasculated. Everyone already thought I was pretty and more feminine than my mate, but I didn’t want to be called Mommy. Somehow it made me feel weaker, _less_ than Jake. It was bad enough everyone in our life knew I was the bottom most of the time. Not that I would change that, but I’d rather other people not think about it. It was uncomfortable for me at best.

After a few moments of wallowing, I shrugged and reluctantly agreed with Sarah. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

 

Sarah just smiled brightly at me before returning to her tablet game.

I wasn’t quite sure how to feel about that exchange. She usually didn’t ask any questions about anything, not even “Can I have milk?” It was always “I want milk.” Her brain ran too fast for her to keep up and pin down what she needed to speak properly, I knew from experience. What I heard may have been fragments, but it was enough to know that her mind either flitted from one thing to the next like a hummingbird, or would be dead focused on something for an hour or more. So I never bothered with trying to instill politeness or teaching her to speak properly. I was just happy she was able to speak at all, as she didn’t speak more than two words until she was four and a half years old.

 

My phone made an obnoxious pinging sound and my shoulders sank even lower. Reluctantly, I checked my instant messenger.

 **Jacob:** I hate this job.

Evidently, Jacob was having a bad day at work. Again. I had no idea how to reply. I could say “Sorry,” but experience told me Jacob didn’t want pity. I really didn’t have time for a long diatribe, so I couldn’t ask about what had happened to make him say that. Finally, I decided on...

 **Edward:** I know.

 **Jacob:** I mean, these people are the worst. All these people we have to call and badger about repayments, they’re all so sad and pathetic. And the people here, some of them actually seem to get off on harassing these losers. I can’t take it.

Well, it looked like I was getting the diatribe whether I asked for it or not.

 

It was going to be a long afternoon.


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N: Beta'd by PTB, but I added and tinkered afterward, so all mistakes are mine. Also, Ffn is weird with italics, so I used bold instead for emphasis.  
**

**Chapter 2**

**EPOV**

The key turning in the lock had me on high alert. Jacob was sure to be in a foul mood tonight.

He had been particularly upset after hearing some coworkers talking behind his back, calling him soft because he felt bad for the people they badgered for a paycheck. I felt bad for him too. He had every right to be upset about that. The problem was that he had little to no control of his emotions—everything he felt, he felt with a passion. Whether the emotion was love or envy or depression or rage, Jacob felt it with every fiber of his being and it took him a long time to shift his focus away from it. It seemed to me that it was a wolf thing. Jared and Paul were particularly guilty of not being able to control their emotions.

Jacob came through the entry hall into the living room where I sat on the couch, reading books to the kids, Sarah tucked into one side of me and Billy nestled against me on the other. They both were suckers for 'Brown Bear, Brown Bear.' That was probably the ninth time I'd read it in a row. And in a sing-song voice no less.

He barely looked up from his shoes, but I could tell he was glaring.

"Why do you always have the door locked?"

No hello or anything. "I guess I don't feel comfortable leaving the door unlocked, considering we live on a main street and Sarah is prone to wandering."

Begrudgingly, Jacob looked ashamed for a moment. But then the scowl returned. "Well, you **know** when I get home," he said in a low, almost snarl.

Yeah, I did know when he got home, but the sound of the key was the only thing to prepare me for his arrival since my ability had quieted down. I couldn't say that though, so I just shrugged.

Jacob went to boot up the computer. "So, where were you all afternoon?" he asked with false nonchalance.

Inwardly, I sighed. Of course he would be pissed that I'd decided to ignore his barrage of angry instant messages. He hated feeling ignored. I was the only one he had left to talk to since his father died. The pack was all leading separate lives from each other. Some stopped phasing altogether. Many had their own kids. Everyone had their own lives, and old friendships had faded with lack of regular contact. And he never really kept in touch with his sisters, which had never bothered him before, but ever since Billy passed, he felt like they were his last blood connection. He felt really alone and disconnected from his tribe, living all the way across the country from the rest of them. Unfortunately, his sisters didn't do much to help change that, and they all played a lot of phone tag, Skyping sporadically. We were still in touch with Leah by her marriage to our son Anthony. But Seth had decided to do a semester abroad in France, and decided he loved it so much, he never wanted to come back to the States. The time difference killed our ability to keep in touch, although there was the occasional email.

So, I got it. He needed to vent his feelings somewhere, and I was the only person left that he trusted. While that felt good, I could only handle so much. His misfortune and unhappiness literally dominated every moment of conversation we had. He never asked what I did that day. He never even asked about the kids. Anything he knew about us, I had to choose to tell him. Recently, I'd been choosing not to bother a lot more. He rarely remembered what I'd told him later anyway.

Despite my understanding for his situation, he did not show a similar understanding for what I was dealing with at home. He got upset when I couldn't be sat at the computer all day, responding to his constant instant messages filled with complaints and misery. Jacob couldn't stand when I tried to help or give him advice instead of just listening. But he would be upset if I didn't respond at all, thinking I was ignoring him, as he thought at that moment. So, I had to settle for simple answers, like "yeah" or "that sucks." It could go on for hours, and the kids always ended up being neglected. Most of the time we misinterpreted tone and inflection from the typed messages, and that always led to bitter arguing.

Jacob was awaiting my answer, arms crossed tightly in front of him. An eyebrow was raised, and he just looked pissed.

"Edward, why did you ignore me all day?"

"I didn't ignore you. The kids needed me."

"They always need you. I need you too."

"I know, but they **really** need me. Like, to eat," I offered as an example.

Jacob just huffed and sat in front of the computer, pulling up his video game. He was preparing to put the ear buds in, when Sarah piped up.

"Hi, Pop."

Jacob sucked in a sharp breath upon the realization that he didn't greet the kids. He came over immediately and smothered them with hugs and kisses. When they were satisfied with his attention and scampered-slash-toddled off, he went back to the computer and started playing his game.

The rest of the evening rested on my shoulders, and I fed and bathed the kids and put them to sleep. Once I came out of Billy's room (which, incidentally, was also our room), Jacob had switched off the game and was looking forlornly at the bank account. It was rather grim in there—we were scraping by at the moment.

"I wish I made more money. Then we could fix the fucking Falcone in the driveway, and get you a new phone since you have to use that shitty one now that Sarah broke your good one, and buy new shoes for Billy. That kid is growing like a weed! We could get all those things, instead of always having to choose."

Jacob bought the vintage '63 Moto Guzzi Falcone back when we'd still had money to spare with the intention of restoring it in his free time. Unfortunately, free time was extremely short, and the money drained away, leaving nothing extra for the expensive parts needed to make the thing run again. So it sat in the driveway, covered with a tarp, no doubt taunting Jacob every day. It taunted me too, in truth. Jacob looked so damn good with a motorcycle humming between his legs.

"Yeah, it sucks," I finally said, unable to think of any other response. I should have left it at that, but my stupid mouth kept going. "Carlisle would lend us some money." Shit!

Jacob's face twisted into a scowl. "We've been over this, Edward!" he hissed. "I'm not going to go begging to your father. I should be able to provide for my own family!"

I tried, futilely, to recover the situation. "Look, there were unexpected circumstances…"

He scoffed. "Not with the way we used to fuck. We were bound to have another one."

"Yes, well, that's beside the point." That really rubbed me the wrong way, and I became insistent that he hear me. "Seriously, Carlisle wouldn't even miss the money. He's the fucking king of all vampires."

"Yeah, and what am I supposed to say to him? Go grovel at his feet…" Jacob clasped his hands together and mock-begged. "'I know you trusted me with your son's care, Carlisle, but—'"

First Sarah names me the mommy, and then Jacob says I need care like a wife, and THEN implies that Carlisle would agree with him?! I went blind with rage. "I do NOT need to be FUCKING CARED FOR."

"Jesus, Edward! Calm the fuck down!" Jacob shouted. "I'm not asking your dad for money, and that's final!" His chest was heaving, and his body vibrated violently. "I'm going out for a run."

With that, he was out the door and jogging to the nearby nature reserve. I knew what he would do. He would phase and stay out for as long as he saw fit. I doubted I would see him again until morning.

**~SOD~**

Days passed in tight smiles, polite conversation and barely concealed tension. We didn't speak about that night, but we were making some effort to move past it. The kids were vaguely aware that we were a little off the norm, but we put on a good show for them. We didn't show affection for each other though…no hugs, no kisses. This was completely insane for Jacob. That boy was a sex fiend. He was definitely deeply depressed to not be seeking physical affection of any kind. I wanted to help him somehow—I missed my snarky, smiling, happy Jake—but he refused to listen to me. Apparently I couldn't possibly understand him.

We rarely had sex anymore even before his depression. The baby slept in our room because Sarah was prone to night waking, a symptom of her autism. She woke multiple times a night, and would come out into the living room. One of us always had to lead her back to bed and wait with her until she fell asleep again. Thus, it was difficult to find the right time to be intimate when it had to be a quickie on the couch or as silently as possible in our bed, spooning so we didn't rock the bed too much. Occasionally, we took the risk, and when we did, it was always hot and fiery. But I couldn't remember the last time we'd done anything remotely intimate. Three weeks? A month? All of the days bled together in monotony.

For once, we were sitting next to each other on the couch, Jacob's head resting on my shoulder and our fingers intertwined as we watched some mindless cooking competition show on television. His face wore a perma-scowl; his downturned mouth and knitted brow hadn't relaxed since he'd gotten home from work. I don't think his face had formed a genuine smile in weeks. He'd spent the better part of the evening complaining about how his boss had placed stricter guidelines on his employees, giving them a specific amount of time in which to make their calls. Unfortunately, the time allotted was too short to provide compassion to the debtors, and Jacob always spent a longer time with the "client" than he should. He had a good heart, and this job was decidedly heartless. He wanted to quit so badly, but we just couldn't afford it. And I couldn't return to work yet; Billy still depended on me too much. He always acted out when left alone with Jacob, which only made Jake feel worse, of course. There seemed to be no way for me to help him out of this funk.

Well, there was one way. I needed to remind him that I was here for him. That I still loved him even though he'd been making it difficult recently. I wanted to make him happy again, even if it was fleeting.

I glanced at the clock. Five after ten...twenty minutes until Sarah usually woke up. More than enough time for what I had planned. He seemed like he'd be receptive to my attention since he was sort of snuggly tonight. Taking a chance, I slid off the couch and knelt down before him. He looked confused for a moment, but his scowl softened as I slipped my hand into the flap of his boxers, drawing his soft cock out. It twitched slightly when the cool air touched it, and I slid him into my mouth, feeling him grow thicker and firmer in my warm, wet cavern.

Jacob groaned low in his throat and threaded his fingers through my hair, holding me there as his cock rapidly lengthened and began to fill my throat. I swallowed around him hard, and he cried out, grinding against my face. His coarse hair rubbed against my nose and I breathed in his concentrated scent. I hadn't realized how much I missed the smell of him and it went straight to my dick. I gave him another constrictive swallow before setting a steady up and down rhythm, breaking it up every so often to swirl my tongue around the head and probe his slit. Jacob was a moaning, groaning mess under my handiwork. I felt his balls tighten under my chin and he bucked his hips against my face, tugging on my thick strands. He'd reached the brink quickly—not surprising since it had been so long—and I let him fuck my face until he fell over the edge. His rich seed filled my mouth and I swallowed it all, continuing to suck him gently until he was too sensitive and nudged me away.

I sat back on my calves and wiped the corner of my mouth with the back of my hand, glad to see Jacob's chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath and his body sagging against the couch cushions, more relaxed than I'd seen him in weeks. The tension was gone from his features, and I couldn't help but feel proud that I could do that to him.

Once he'd recovered, he peered at me through half-closed eyes, a small smile tugging at his lips. "Aw, fuck, Edward. That was awesome."

"I'm pleased," I replied, trying to covertly adjust the stiff log in my own shorts. Jacob didn't fail to notice.

"Do you want me to return the favor?" he asked, his smile broadening.

It was nice to know that he was willing, but I decided to decline his offer. Giving in to temptation would defeat the point I was trying to make.

"No. That was just for you. I hoped it would take your mind off things."

Jacob laughed. "Well, it certainly did that."

Rising to a stand, I crossed my arms in front of my chest. "Good. I want you to remember when you're feeling alone that you're not. You have me, right in front of you."

Jacob's face fell and he bowed his head, abashed. "I know, baby." He looked up at me with those puppy dog eyes I both loved and hated. "I'm sorry. I'll be better, I promise."

* * *

 **A/N:** What are we thinking out there, folks? Is there any hope out there for them?


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: There seems to be some confusion that I’d like to clear up before we continue. One question asked often is “Is Edward a human now?” While he is still a supernatural being (he is a male who can birth babies, after all), his vampire traits have lessened in order to accommodate new life. This happened to some degree in Consequence of Heat, but now that he’s had two more children, humanity has overtaken vampirism. Jacob is still a shifter, though he (usually) chooses not to phase anymore. Which leads me to the second most asked question: “Doesn’t Alice See they need help?” The short answer is, no, she cannot. Jacob may not phase much anymore, but he is still a shifter. Not only that, the children are each half-shifter as well, so Edward’s future is just as obscured to her visions as ever. Thirdly, there is some confusion about Edward’s aging. He ages at a very gradual pace. He will live longer than the average human, but he will die one day. He does still have some of the strength and "health" (for lack of a better word) of a vampire, and that will help his longevity. Of course, this whole situation is unprecedented in their world, so no one really knows how long he will live for. This story will resolve itself long before that ever happens. Their deaths are not the focus, nor do I ever want to write about it! Too sad to kill off my dear boys!
> 
> Hope that helps clear things up! I’m leaving today until Sunday and will have limited internet access, so sorry about any late review replies. On with the story.

**Chapter 3**

**EPOV**

 

I had been instant messaging with Jacob since one in the afternoon. As usual, he was complaining about his workday, about how his coworkers hated him and his bosses definitely had it out for him, and the debtors were just so damned depressing. It was a shitty job, to be sure. But I didn’t want to hear about it every three seconds all day long. I had responsibilities to my—our—kids. When Sarah came home from preschool and Billy woke up from his nap, I had plunked them down in front of their favorite video on a beautiful summer afternoon, all to be there for my husband when he needed me.

 

I knew it was stupid, because actually remaining there was only encouraging the action that I didn’t want to happen. But I felt like I had to sit in front of the computer and give an answer to everything or risk Jacob accusing me later of not being there for him and then freezing me out.

 

Finally, the video was coming to an end, and I had to end our chat session.

 

 **Edward:** Listen Jake, I hate to do this to you, but the video is over. I gtg.

 

 **Jacob:** But you’re the only one i can talk to.

 

 **Edward:** But we’ve been over and over this tiff with your coworkers for almost four hours. Seriously, I have to go now.

 

 **Jacob:** listen, Imagine your mom is dead. Imagine your dear old _dad_ is dead.

 

 **Jacob:** Imagine Alice and Jasper, your dearest friends, distant and never fucking pick up the phone when I call anymore.

 

The grammar police in my mind was going haywire, but I did my best to ignore it.

 

 **Jacob:** Imagine Rosalie and Emmett never calling to check in on their nephews.

 

 **Edward:** Emmett never calls. Only Rosalie does that.

 

 **Jacob:** God Edward! That’s not the point. Just forget it. ttyl.

 

He signed off abruptly, and I pushed what Jacob said aside for the rest of the afternoon, trying to focus all of my attention on the neglected kids. I took them out in the yard, filled up the little kiddie pool and watched them splash and play.

 

When he finally got home, we did our usual dance of ignoring the tension surrounding us while getting the kids washed and in bed. Thankfully, I didn't have to guilt him into helping me that evening. Once they were down, he gravitated to the computer, and I went to take a shower.

 

While I was in there, I began to really imagine what it must be like to be Jacob at this moment in time, just as he had suggested over instant messaging earlier that afternoon. As the warm spray jettisoned over my body, I thought about the conversation we’d had over chat. He’d asked me to imagine my life if I were in his shoes. So I closed my eyes and, for the first time, really tried. Images of Esme burning to ash and Carlisle getting decapitated ricocheted in my mind, and a lump formed in my throat that wasn’t easily swallowed. I imagined what it would be like if our roles were reversed and I was the one who had to work all day at a job I hated and only got to see my kids for an hour a day, five days a week. And then, to come home to a harried and probably nagging husband, and being too exhausted from the shitty workday that I didn’t even have the energy to play with the kids I rarely got to see.

 

It was fucking terrible, and I wished I had put myself in his shoes sooner.

 

But there was another side to this story. I could empathize with him, but he couldn’t empathize with me. He did not recognize that I also had a job, but mine was twenty-four/seven. I didn’t have the luxury of being able to get on a train and leave for the evening. Jacob thought he knew what I dealt with every day, but he really had no fucking clue. If I ever complained about it, he would dismiss my feelings, always believing that he had it worse, like it was some kind of contest. He seemed to forget that I had emotions and needed to be paid attention to. I needed him to ask about what I did all day. When he didn’t show an interest in what went on in my life, I felt like I didn’t matter to him anymore. It felt like he didn’t care. And I was finally going to tell him.

 

I stepped out of the shower and toweled off, throwing on a pair of boxers. Squaring my shoulders in anticipation for the conversation I was about to start, I walked out into the family room where Jacob was still seated at the computer. He didn’t look up from his game, but I stood right next to him anyway.

 

“I imagined what you mentioned earlier in chat,” I began.

 

He knew immediately what I was talking about and took his hands off the keyboard. He looked at me warily from the corner of his eye, as if I was trying to trick him.

 

“Okay…”

 

“It was fucking awful.”

 

He narrowed his eyes and nodded slowly. How I wished I could still read his mind then. He smirked slightly as if he knew what I was thinking. I probably looked like I was concentrating too hard. Which, of course, I was.

 

I continued, “I’m truly sorry that I try to fix everything. Loss can’t be fixed. Nothing can be done. Everyone grieves differently, and you are grieving for a lot of things.”

 

He nodded with a look at satisfaction that I’d finally given in. But I wasn’t done yet.

 

“But, Jacob, you have to remember that I’m a person too. Things happen to me, and I would think you’d be interested enough to ask about them. Especially since you know that they are happening! Don’t you want to know how Sarah’s therapy goes every Tuesday? You never, ever ask.”

 

He opened his mouth to interject, but I steamrolled over him. “No, I have to elect to tell you about it. But I don’t have to tell you, and I don’t always. You need to show an interest in my life, our kids’ lives, because I feel like this relationship is becoming very one-sided. It’s like I’ve been…dismissed. Unimportant. _Replaceable.”_

 

I sucked in a breath after my speech, both relieved to have gotten all of that off my chest and anxious about how Jacob would react to it. I hadn't really intended to go off like that.

 

Jacob just stared at me for a long moment. He looked properly cowed, and yet his belligerence still came through.

 

“Yeah, but my parents are dead. Nothing tops that.”

 

I shut my eyes and turned my face from him. Of course nothing topped that. Nothing in a million years could top that. But I knew that his father would want better for his son; Billy would want Jacob to live free of his worries and start a new life, not dwell on his losses. In any case, I didn’t know why I expected him to hear me this time. He never heard me. Jacob needed help and he was refusing to get it from me, so I tried another tactic.

 

“Maybe I haven’t been through this specifically, but there are a lot of people who have and they have groups, Jacob! All these people who are grieving get together and talk about how shitty life is. You need an alternate place to talk about this stuff with people who can relate. They too are living with hellish grief. Please call a Bereaved Anonymous group. I don’t know exactly what they call it, but I know it exists, and I’ll find out for you. You know it helps to talk about it, and you hate that I try to help when you tell me. Those people would listen and not try to fix everything. I can recognize now that I do it, but it’s so ingrained in me at this point that it just happens before I can really think about it. That’s the level of my love, my protectiveness of you.”

 

Jacob’s crossed arms relaxed a fraction. He was listening, so I kept talking.

 

“You could go in there and say, ‘My stupid asshole husband won’t stop badgering me,’ or whatever! ‘I fucked a porcupine.’ You could literally say whatever you want to this group of total strangers you will never see again. Who gives two shits what they think? Drive out to one, like in Manchester. You’ll never see those people again, and you can just unload without consequence.”

 

Jacob’s rigid stance softened, and he even smiled a little.

 

“Okay, Edward. I’ll try it.”

 

**~SOD~**

 

The next day, Jacob’s chat window was unusually silent, which was a little disconcerting. As much as I hated him bugging me all day with complaints, at least I knew where he stood emotionally for the day when he did that. When he didn’t try to contact me, I wasn’t sure what to make of it. Was he trying to abide by our conversation the night before and save his misery for a group therapy session? Or was he so dejected that he didn’t even have the energy to type at me? If it was the latter, it made me nervous for what he might be like when he came home.

 

Late in the day, the laptop pinged. I rushed over, helplessly curious.

 

 **Jacob:** Dad died a year ago today.

 

Oh shit. I had completely forgotten the date. It happened when you spent every day at home—days blended together. Jacob was bound to hurt something awful today, and I had selfishly railed on him about talking about his feelings to someone else last night. I felt like a terrible husband.

 

 **Edward:** I’m so sorry, Jake.

 

He never responded. At the end of his workday, his bubble went grey, and I knew he was heading home.

 

When Jake got home, he greeted the kids with false happiness. He didn’t say a word to me after they’d been satisfied; he just went straight for the computer and pulled up one of his forum web pages. Sarah didn’t have the wherewithal to realize her papa wanted space, however, and she climbed up onto his lap with a book.

 

Jacob sighed. “Oh, you want to read?”

 

Our little girl nodded and began to read in her halting, endearing way. Jacob was only half-listening, the hand not holding Sarah to his lap typing away in response to something on the forum. I watched silently as Sarah kept glancing back at him. She was frowning, but Jake didn't notice. He wasn’t really paying attention, and Sarah was completely aware of it. I couldn’t stay silent, watching dejection creep onto my daughter’s pretty face.

 

“You're being very rude,” I said under my breath.

 

Jake paused, glancing between my quiet anger and Sarah’s sad little pout, and heaved a sigh, taking his hand off the keyboard. I shouldn't have to tell him to stop. He should want to hear his angelic daughter's voice reading to him. Satisfied that her papa was paying her adequate attention, Sarah continued to read, hopping off his lap to play with something else when she was done.

 

Once she was out of earshot, I said to Jacob, “She won't want to do that forever, you know. You should embrace these moments.”

 

Jacob frowned deeply. “Don’t tell me what I should do, Edward.”

 

“You know, Jacob, Billy wouldn’t want you to be this way. He’d want you to live your life to the fullest, to be happy, to enjoy your kids. To not dwell on his death, but rather, celebrate life.”

 

Jacob rolled his eyes. “And how can I do that, stuck in a job I hate, with no friends or family to talk to?” I tried not to bristle at that. What was I, chopped liver? “Dad was my connection to the tribe.”

 

“Leah is your connection now.”

 

Jacob scoffed. “Some connection. She never wants to talk when Anthony calls.”

 

“Do you ask him to put her on?”

 

“That's not the point.”

 

With difficulty, I refrained from commenting on his utter two-facedness. “Well, she and Anthony will be here in a few days. Maybe you’ll feel differently after.”

 

“I doubt it. It will only serve to remind me what I’m missing. No pack, no tribe, and our oldest son living far away from us, wrapped up in his own life with no time for his parents.”

 

He looked so sad when he said that, I couldn’t help but want to comfort my mate. I stood up and moved behind him, drawing him back against my chest and hugging him around the shoulders, and kissing his soft black hair.

 

“That’s the way of things, Jacob. Kids grow up and move on. He has his own family now. It hurts me too, but that’s the conundrum of being a parent. You want to keep your babies forever, but you need to set them free eventually.”

 

Jacob jerked away and turned to face me. His eyes flashed with anger, and I stood there, shocked by his reaction.

 

“Shut up, Edward. You can’t possibly understand how I feel about this, so stop trying. I have no one. A packless wolf doesn’t go far in life. We’re social animals.”

 

I probably should have stopped talking, but my mouth moved faster than my brain in that moment.

 

“The pack is no more, Jacob. They’ve let their wolves go now that there isn’t a threat. Vampires live on synthetic blood now. There’s no need for the tribal wolves. They want to live a normal life, like you and me. You need to let it go.”

 

Jacob’s puffed-up, angry stance deflated a little. He looked away from me, closing his eyes.

 

“You can’t understand what it’s like to have no friends and family to talk to. Rachel and Rebecca are like ghosts. You have your mom and dad. You have Alice. I don’t have anyone but you.”

 

“And I’m not good enough, is that it?”

 

Jacob huffed. “No, no, that’s not what I mean. You just can’t understand what I’m going through, that’s all. You think you understand, but you don’t. You can’t.”

 

My own anger was barely controlled as I seethed, “Do you wish I did? Do you wish that Esme and Carlisle were dead too, so I could know what you’re feeling?”

 

“Of course not, Edward.”

 

“Oh really? Because it sure sounds like it.”

 

“I don’t! God!”

 

“It seems to me that you resent me for having them in my life.”

 

“I don’t resent you, Edward. I envy you.”

 

I sighed. “There’s no need. They love you like you were their own.”

 

“But I’m not,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m not one of you. They aren’t my parents.”

 

“They aren’t mine either,” I pointed out.

 

“Come on, Edward. Yes, they are. They might not be your blood parents, but they ARE your parents.”

 

He was so insistent; I knew there was no arguing with him about it.

 

“Fine. Whatever. But they aren’t here either. They’re across the country, just like everyone else. I’m just as alone as you are.”

 

Through clenched teeth, Jacob seethed, “Esme calls you every fucking day, Edward.”

 

Again, he backed me into a corner. I just couldn’t win with him. I threw my hands up in frustration. “I don’t know what to say to you anymore.”

 

“Good. I don’t want to hear you anymore anyway. Just shut the fuck up.”

 

My heart sank, but I wasn’t done yet. I needed to try one more time to get him to see reason, to find a way to cope with all these emotions he was having, like a cancer, eating away at the Jacob I once knew.

 

Softening my tone, I asked, “Have you given the idea of going to group any more thought?”

 

Jacob smirked knowingly, his lips tight. “Nah, I don’t think I’m gonna do that after all.”

 

“What do you mean?” I asked, my exasperation unchecked.

 

Jacob looked annoyed. “I meant what I said,” he replied firmly. “I’m not going to go.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because it’s fucking far and will take up my whole night? Because I don’t want to bore those fucking random people with my ranting? Because I should be able to resolve this by my fucking self? Pick one!” he bellowed.

 

“Obviously, you can’t resolve it on your own,” I said quietly. “Neither can they. That is why there’s a group.”

 

“Edward, just stop. You don’t know how I feel about my dad. You can’t know.”

 

“I might have known, once.”

 

“Even if you were still able to read my mind, you wouldn’t know how it feels to be me. Stop trying to fix me, Edward. You can’t!”

 

With that, Jacob stormed off into the kitchen, pulling on his sneakers and opening the back door.

 

“Please, don’t go phase.” I don’t know why I said that. I didn’t really care if he phased. I guess I just wanted to see if he would listen to me.

 

Jacob hesitated at the door and looked back at me. He studied me sternly for a moment, eyes narrowed. I imagined that he was thinking about going off to phase just to spite me, but then he smiled in a way that was meant to be reassuring.

 

“I’m just going to jog. Don’t worry, okay? I’ll come back. I just need to think in peace.”

 

His mood swings were making my head spin. “Okay.”

 

And then, he was gone.

 

 **A/N:** How are we feeling out there? Poor boys are a mess. Like any relationship on the rocks – it’s an odd mix of good moments and bad.


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

 

EPOV

 

 

**Edward:** Anthony and Leah will be here any minute. We need to be on our best behavior, they can’t know we’re struggling.

 

**Jacob:** I agree. I promise to wear my happy face.

 

That was going to have to be good enough. Our son and his wife would be visiting for three days. Much too short a visit for my liking, but Anthony was in a Master’s program for Economics at University of Oregon, and he didn’t want to miss too many classes. He’d always been a bright boy. I hoped that they would visit for a longer period over Christmas, or perhaps we could go out to Oregon to be with them.

 

They had landed about half an hour ago. I wanted to meet them at the airport, but there was no room in the sedan for three adults and three children, so they rented a car. We didn’t live too far from the airport, so I knew they would arrive any moment. I was brimming with excitement, not just over seeing my firstborn again, but also meeting my nine-month-old granddaughter for the first time. I hoped little Mira and Billy would have fun together and that Sarah wouldn’t get too jealous over having another baby in the house. When Billy was born, she had ignored me for a month, her sense of betrayal overriding any other emotions she felt toward me. It broke my heart at the time, even though I understood how difficult it was for her to share me after four years of having me all to herself. Thankfully, it had faded and she had grown to love her little brother.

 

It wasn’t long before I heard the car pull into the driveway and the squealing of a baby who was tired of being cooped up for too long. The doorbell rang and I rushed to answer, Billy securely on my hip and Sarah following close behind.

 

“Dad!” Anthony cried when I threw the door open.

 

My caramel-skinned, green-eyed gorgeous boy—no, man now—grinned widely and launched himself at me, wrapping his arms tightly around me and the baby. I kissed the top of his soft black hair, inhaling his scent that I’d missed so terribly as he kissed little Billy on the cheek. Billy giggled and squealed in delight.

 

“Hey, little bro! I’m so happy to finally meet you.” Pulling back from me, Anthony took Billy with him, cuddling him close. Billy seemed to sense that Anthony was one of us so he didn’t cry when he was removed from my arms so suddenly. Instead, he gazed at Anthony with wide brown eyes before smiling toothlessly at his older brother.

 

“Sarah! How are you, baby girl?” he asked, peering around me to where his sister was hiding behind my legs.

 

“Good, Antnee,” she replied, giving him a shy smile. Anthony was smart enough to know not to push affection on her too quickly, so he didn’t approach her. “It’s so wonderful to hear your voice, sunshine. So pretty.” Sarah buried her face in the back of my thigh, but I felt the smile spread wider across her face against my skin.

 

I turned my attention to Leah, who stood just behind her husband, and hugged her hello. Looking over her shoulder as I pulled her close, I finally noticed another person standing behind them on the stoop with my granddaughter in his arms.

 

“Oh!” I said in surprise. “Hi, Embry. Er, what are you doing here?”

 

Anthony chuckled. “Uh, yeah...surprise, Dad. Mira has an imprint.”

 

I swallowed hard around the lump in my throat. Jake was not going to like this one bit. “Great,” I said with false levity. “Welcome to the family.”

 

Embry didn’t pick up on my pretense and thanked me, walking into the living room with baby Mira cradled against his shoulder. The rest of us followed and sat down on the couches. Sarah climbed up in her “Aunt” Leah’s lap, and Leah combed her fingers through her niece’s loose auburn waves. Leah had always been Sarah’s favorite aunt, even if she was really her sister-in-law, much to the dismay of her Aunt Rosalie.

 

We chit-chatted about how the flight was and what they thought of New England so far. After watching the wolf fawn over her for several minutes, I began to grow impatient to hold Mira for myself—Embry was being a baby-hog.

 

I looked at him pointedly. “Think I could hold my granddaughter?”

 

“Oh, sorry, Edward.” Embry looked appropriately apologetic as he handed her off to me.

 

Reverently, I placed her on my lap so she was facing me and I could get a really good look at her. She was absolutely beautiful, of course. There was really very little of Anthony visible in her face—the Clearwater genes were dominant. We would likely have to wait until the baby fat went away to really be able to see our influence on her features. With her smooth toffee-colored skin and her almond-shaped, luminous brown eyes gazing up at me with interest, she was the picture of perfection. It was so hard to wrap my mind around the fact that she was my descendant. Less than thirty years ago, I would have laughed in the face of anyone who might have predicted it. But here she was in my arms, all because Jacob and I had loved each other. It pained me to think that love may be fading away.

 

After a while, Mira began to get hungry, so I handed her back to her mother and went to make us all some sandwiches. I made one for Jacob too and put it in the fridge for when he got home. Then we all hung out for the hour or so until Jacob would return from work.

 

When the key finally turned in the lock, all three kids were brimming with excitement over seeing their papa. Leah stayed put on the couch, breastfeeding Mira. Noticeably, Embry hung back a bit, looking like he was trying to fade into the corner. I stayed where I was and listened to the joyful reunion in the entry hall. I couldn’t help but grin at the genuine happiness I heard in Jake’s voice at the sight of Anthony. Our son was so rugged and handsome; what father wouldn’t be proud he created that?

 

Finally, Jacob rounded the corner into the living room, Sarah and Billy clutching at his legs and begging to ride the “papa train.” Jake was laughing for the sake of our guests, but I could see the annoyance in his eyes.

 

“Not now, guys. Papa’s got no energy right now.” He looked up from the kids who refused to let go of his pants and smiled at Leah. He opened his mouth to greet her, but was distracted by the sight of his estranged friend. “Embry? What the hell are you doing here?” he asked in shock.

 

“Jacob, maybe you should sit down,” Leah began, but Jacob didn’t need any more information after that.

 

He glowered at Embry, crossing his arms. “Are you fu—freakin’ serious right now?”

 

“Is freakin’ really better?” Embry had the balls to ask.

 

“Jake, it’s all right. Embry’s been great. He’s like the world’s best babysitter. I really don’t mind,” Leah said, adjusting Mira to her other side.

 

“You don’t mind him seeing that?” he asked, gesturing to her bare breast.

 

Leah laughed heartily. “He is not the least bit interested in me. Besides, all you lot have seen it before.”

 

“Sure, sure.”

 

“I haven’t,” I put in, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

 

She laughed some more. “Yeah, but you like dick.”

 

All of the adults laughed at that, and then Sarah tugged insistently on Jacob’s pant leg again. “Pa-pa traaaaaaaaiiiin,” she whined. Billy followed her lead, tugging on his other leg.

 

Jacob sighed heavily. “Can’t you distract them, Ed? I worked all day and I'd like a little time to unwind and question Embry’s motives.” He was trying really hard not to appear angry, but I knew he was raging inside. His eyes flashed with it.

 

“There will be plenty of time for that. The kids missed you, and they’re sick of me. I’ve been with them all day. They want you. Besides, don’t I get a break?” I smiled my way through all of that, even though my irritation was bristling.

 

Leah laughed again. “Don’t you know by now, Edward? A mother’s job never ends.”

 

Grimacing internally, I forced myself to continue smiling. “Yeah. I know.”

 

To add insult to injury, Billy abandoned his papa’s pants and ran over to tug at my own. “Up! Up!”

 

“See? Case in point,” Leah said, chuckling.

 

I made myself laugh with her, hoisting the baby onto my hip. Sarah didn’t give up on Jake so easily, however, and demanded her ride. Finally, Jacob gave in, crouching down so she could climb on his back.

 

“Don’t think you’re getting off easy, Em. To be continued. Tonight. There’s a great national park nearby. We’re gonna talk about this imprint of yours.”

 

“You still phase?” Leah asked.

 

“Sometimes,” he said with a shrug before starting his run around the outside of the house with our laughing girl on his back. When they were gone, Leah furrowed her brow and gave me a look I didn’t entirely understand. I knew she found it weird that Jacob was phasing when the rest of his family were mainly human—he should be aging along with us. I wouldn’t have known what to say if she’d asked, but thankfully she didn’t.

 

Mira had finished feeding and Leah passed her to Anthony to burp and change her. I could feel her eyes boring into me as I introduced Billy to Embry.

 

“So what do we call you when you eventually end up with my granddaughter? Uncle Embry once removed? What’s the protocol here?” I joked.

 

“Beats the hell out of me,” Embry replied, laughing along.

 

When Leah didn’t join in, we both looked at her. She was always up for a laugh. She still had her eyes on me, so I finally just asked her, “What, do I have something on my face?”

 

She smiled a little, shaking her head. “No, no. I’m sorry for staring.” She glanced over as Anthony came back in the room with their daughter, freshly changed and smiling. “You just look different, that’s all. It’s weird because, for the longest time, you always looked the same.”

 

“Yeah, Dad. You look older.”

 

“Well, three kids will do that to a person, I guess.”

 

“Not older in a bad way,” Leah said quickly. “Just less like a teenager.”

 

“More like me, Dad. More…I don’t know, defined?”

 

Embry nodded his agreement. “I would say, like, twenty-three.”

 

“Wow, really?” I was truly surprised.

 

Leah grinned. “Yeah, really. Good for you, Edward. You don’t look like a stupid, smug kid anymore.”

 

“Thanks…”

 

**~SOD~**

 

The next day was the only full day that they would be staying with us. Jacob had taken the day off from work. After he and Embry had returned from their jaunt in the national park, Embry looked slightly worse for wear. They had to have tussled a bit over the imprint, but evidently they were on good terms afterward. I had suggested we take the kids to the zoo in the morning. Jacob was hesitant at first because Sarah didn’t like crowds, but I had already thought of that. It would be fine, I had told him, since it was a Thursday. It couldn’t possibly be as busy as a weekend day. Leah and Anthony were gung-ho to go; apparently Mira was quite enamored by giraffes at the moment. So, it was decided.

 

For the first hour, everything went smoothly. The kids had a grand old time looking at all the different animals and the adults took a lot of pleasure in watching the children’s joy. It was really nice for me to go to a zoo and not want to devour all of the carnivores myself, not to mention the herbivores. When Anthony was a kid and I still required blood to sustain me, it had been a real struggle to give him this very basic childhood experience. It was no trouble for me now, for which I was grateful.

 

As we made our way to the flamingo exhibit, I heard them before I saw them. At least fifty loud children, shrieking with excitement, were headed our way. Must have been a class trip. Jacob and I exchanged a look of mild panic.

 

“Er, let’s actually go see something else, back this way,” he announced, swiftly leading Sarah in the opposite direction. Embry looked confused, but the others knew why we were switching exhibits so fast. Those kids were going to overwhelm our little girl and ruin our perfect day. We all rushed back up the trail, only to be confronted by another group of kids. These students were older—probably sixth grade—and thus, quieter, but their numbers were even greater than the loud, screeching kids that were closing in behind us.

 

Of course, Sarah wasn’t blind or deaf; she was autistic and hypersensitive. None of this was missed by her, and her breathing became labored as the crowds closed in around us, converging as they passed to see the very exhibit that the other group had just left. We were utterly surrounded by shrieks and sweaty bodies, and Sarah just could not handle it. She went in full meltdown mode, throwing her body to the ground and screaming, shutting her eyes tightly and clapping her hands over her ears.

 

Quickly, Jacob and I knelt down on either side of her as Anthony took hold of Billy’s stroller. Jacob gently took her face in his hands while I rubbed her back in soothing circles.

 

“Shh, shh, baby, it’s all right. Look at me,” Jacob pleaded. Sarah only continued to scream. I could feel the eyes of every child in both school groups boring into my back. This sort of meltdown wasn’t exactly new to us, but we did generally try to avoid them, for Sarah’s sake as well as our own. It just didn’t feel good knowing that people were staring and judging the shit out of your parenting skills and your child’s behavior. Sometimes I wished autism had some sort of visual marker so people would just leave us alone.

 

“What’s wrong with her?”

 

“Geez, she’s so loud.”

 

“Why’s she such a big baby?”

 

Great, the whispers were starting and Sarah wasn’t any closer to calming down. I met Jacob’s eyes and we silently agreed that she needed to be removed from the situation.

 

I rose swiftly and took the handles of Billy’s stroller from Anthony, turning toward the exit, which was thankfully fairly close.

 

“Come on, we’re leaving.”

 

Jacob scooped up a kicking and screaming Sarah, and the group of us pushed through the throngs of people and out of the exit gate. Sarah was still too overstimulated to be set down and walk on her own; her legs kicked of their own accord, and her anguished screams, though slightly quieter, continued. As we hurried through the parking lot to the cars, Jacob’s arms slipped when she squirmed the wrong way, and her knee caught him squarely in the balls.

 

He cried out and dropped to his knees, though, to his credit, he didn’t drop our daughter on the pavement. He set her down gently and grabbed himself, moaning and cursing. Anthony, Leah and I grimaced at his obvious pain, though Embry looked about to burst with laughter. After a few moments, Jacob took a deep breath and let it out slowly, before looking up. Sarah had quieted down and was staring at him.

 

When he met her gaze, she said in a small voice, “I hurt Papa.”

 

“Yes, you did,” Jacob snapped. “Really bad.”

 

Sarah looked away quickly, staring at her feet. Glaring at my cold-hearted mate, I put my arm around her shoulders and pulled her to the car.

 

“It’s all right, baby. He’s not mad at you, he just hurts a lot.”

 

She nodded and got into the car. As I strapped her into her seat, I couldn’t help but wonder how long I’d have to continue to make excuses for my husband.

%MCEPASTEBIN%


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**EPOV**

 

 

When we got home after the zoo disaster, nobody felt like talking about Sarah’s meltdown or Jacob’s kick to the nuts. So we just gathered together to eat lunch in the living room, and Anthony filled us in on what was happening back at the compound.

 

“Aunt Rose and Uncle Em went on _another_ honeymoon.”

 

Jacob scoffed. “What is this, their fifteenth?”

 

“Sixteenth,” I put in.

 

“Where’d they go this time?”

 

Anthony shrugged. “Camping in the Outback.”

 

“What are they, nuts?” Embry laughed. “It’s a fucking desert.”

 

“Rose always wanted to try a kangaroo.”

 

Jacob laughed, turning to look at me. “Ha, I thought that would’ve been Emmett!”

 

“One would think…”

 

Our gazes held for a beat, and he smiled at me. Just then, Billy, who had been toddling around everyone’s legs, grabbing bits of food from people, noticed his sippy cup of juice on the table. He launched himself from Leah’s legs to the table, the force of which caused the cup to fall and the lid to dislodge. All of the contents spilled out over the floor.

 

Jacob’s smile quickly turned to a frown as he watched this, and his expression darkened quickly. A quick glance around the room told me that all eyes were on him. I looked back at Jake. He was getting mad so fast you could practically see the steam shooting out of his ears. Anthony opened his mouth to say something, but Jacob stood up abruptly.

 

“Goddamn it! Damned kids!”

 

He stormed off to the kitchen. We all looked around at each other, all unsure of what he was going to do. Billy came over to me, and I scooped him up and held him close to me. A moment later, Jacob returned with a roll of paper towels and got down on his knees next to the spill.

 

“All this orange juice? That’s money!” he ranted as he mopped up the mess. The number of paper towels he had grabbed wasn’t nearly enough, and he violently tore more from the roll. “Half this roll of paper towels?! * _That_ * is money! I’m not fucking made of money!”

 

Unsurprisingly, Billy and Mira both started crying, and Sarah covered her ears tightly, shutting her eyes and humming in monotone. Leah and Embry just looked on in shock. I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide forever.

 

Anthony was the one to actually do something. He got up and knelt down next to his father, helping him clean up the mess.

 

“Pop, it’s okay. Calm down. I’ll go get more juice and towels.”

 

Jacob looked up at Anthony, and his gaze softened as he met his son’s eyes. A flash of embarrassment passed through them, and he looked away. His face downturned, he mumbled, “I’ll go,” and walked out.

 

The engine revved in the driveway, and we listened to the car peel out. There was a long silence, and everyone looked to me, which was the last thing I wanted. What could I say about Jacob’s behavior? I was tired of trying to explain his actions. Desperate to diffuse the heavy feeling in the air, I simply ignored the situation and suggested we all go to the nearby park. Anything to get out of the house. They quickly agreed.

 

**~SOD~**

 

When we got back from the park, Jacob was already home and was significantly calmer. No one acted like anything was amiss. Sarah scurried off to play in her room, closely followed by Billy. We were back for barely five minutes before Leah insisted on taking Jacob out alone. They left, and Embry went to put Mira down for a nap in Billy’s crib.

 

Anthony and I would be alone for a few minutes before Embry returned. My son sat down next to me on the couch, turning to face me. I turned to face him as well, and his bright green eyes were full of questions and concern.

 

“Are you okay, Dad? What’s going on with you two? Something’s not right.”

 

I smiled at him, hoping it looked genuine, and shook my head. “I don’t know what you mean. Everything’s fine.”

 

“Dad. Everything is not fine.”

 

“Your father just doesn’t like to waste money, baby. Nothing to worry about.”

 

“Dad, he totally freaked. And he really snapped at Sarah earlier.”

 

“He’s just having a bad day, Anthony. Give him a break. He works really hard, gets stressed out, and then sometimes the wolf in him takes over. It’s normal—unavoidable.”

 

Anthony looked down at the floor, processing what I said. When he looked back up at me, his features had hardened with determination. “Dad, is he hurting you?”

 

“What? No!” Not physically anyway.

 

“Would you tell me if he were?”

 

“Anthony, your father can’t hurt me. You know that.” The truth was that he probably could since I was softer, slower and more human-like now, but I hoped Anthony would use the time before I had Sarah as his frame of reference.

 

However, physical pain wasn’t his concern. “That’s not what I mean, Dad. Yeah, you’re powerful and strong, but you still have feelings. You still have a soul.”

 

“Don’t start with that,” I warned.

 

“Okay, okay,” he said, putting up his hands to placate me. “You still have feelings and emotions, Dad. He can hurt you, and I think he does.”

 

“Anthony, I promise everything is fine. He’s just going through a stressful time. The things that happened today just wore on already raw nerves. Baby, please don’t worry about us.”

 

My son frowned at me. “All right, Dad.” His lips pressed tightly together, like he was stopping himself from saying anything more.

 

I knew he didn’t really believe me, but he let the inquisition drop.

 

**~SOD~**

 

When Leah and Jacob came back, the kids were ready for bed. They didn’t tell us where they went or what they talked about, but neither looked any worse for wear and they were acting normally. They put their respective babies to bed, and I took care of Sarah. Then we all decided to watch a movie before turning in for the night.

 

Jacob went to grab some beers while our son, his wife, and our granddaughter’s imprinter picked out the film. I went to pull the curtains closed, as it was summer and the sun hadn’t quite set yet. One of the panels got stuck on the rod, and I had to stretch really high to pry the fabric past whatever it was hitched on. I could feel my shirt ride up as I reached and went up on tiptoe to get higher. My shorts were a little too small for me, and they were riding up my ass, giving me quite a wedgie. Finally, I got it unstuck and pulled it closed.

 

“Hey, man.” Jacob’s voice sounded angry, and it startled me.

 

I went to sit down in the armchair, and Embry was looking down with guilt written all over his face. He seemed a little fearful too.

 

“Yeah,” Jacob continued, drawing out the word a little. “He’s beautiful, isn’t he?”

 

Embry flushed beet-red and glanced up at me. Had he been cruising me? I smiled inside.

 

“Uh…” His gaze shifted left to right. “Yeah, I guess so,” he admitted quietly.

 

Jacob plopped down next to his friend and cracked open two beers, handing Embry one. He took it hesitantly, like Jake had poisoned it or something.

 

“I get it. He has that effect on people. All the same, don’t stare like that again.”

 

Embry swallowed and looked away. “Sorry.”

 

Leah snickered. “Geez, Embry. I thought you were all about my daughter!”

 

“Fuck you, Leah!”

 

As they continued to bicker good-naturedly, I tuned them out, glad that Jacob still wanted me enough to put a stop to Embry’s harmless gazing. Embry probably hadn’t even really been appraising me like that. He was probably just looking off into space and it happened to be in my direction. How I wished I could have read his mind in that moment.

 

Jacob’s misplaced possessiveness was both disorienting and soothing. Although there was no way anything was going to happen between Embry and me, Jacob still felt the need to assert his claim on me. Maybe it should have pissed me off, but it didn't. It felt great to be wanted. My reflections sparked a memory of a time when we were at odds about insignificant things rather than where we were currently.

 

***

 

_“Do you want to fight about it, or do you want to fuck me?” I asked, bored to death of arguing. “Because I really need to get fucked right now.”_

 

_Shock gave way to lust and Jacob was on me in a flash, pressing his body flush against mine. He backed me toward the couch and assaulted my neck with his flaming hot lips and tongue. His breath gusted lightly against the sensitive spot beneath my ear._

 

_“I always want to fuck you, Edward,” he said, his voice low and raspy. Instantly, I was hard and the bruising kiss he drew me in for had me rubbing myself against his thigh, desperate for some relief from the sweet pain of my arousal._

 

_Drawing back a little, he looked me in the eyes. “The day I don’t want you, no matter what the circumstances, is the day that something is seriously wrong.”_

 

_He ravaged me with another bruising kiss, his hand dropping down to my zipper. “Now lose the pants.”_

 

***

 

"Don't you think, Edward?"

 

I was abruptly pulled from my memory by Leah’s question. All eyes were on me, and I cleared my throat, thankful that I was sitting in such a way that my erection was hidden. "Er, sure."

 

That seemed to satisfy the group, and they continued to talk. I just hoped I didn’t agree to anything too major.

 

**~SOD~**

 

The flight back to Oregon was taking off midday, but Jake hadn’t been able to get another day off work. As Mira napped, Anthony and Leah made sure they had gathered all of their belongings. At around eleven o’clock, the computer began pinging constantly. I went to turn the sound off.

 

“What the hell is all that noise about?” Anthony asked.

 

“It’s your father trying to chat with me. He must not realize you’re still here.”

 

“Aren't you going to answer him, Dad?”

 

“No.”

 

He wasn’t giving up. “Why not? What if it's some emergency?”

 

It wasn’t an emergency, although Jacob would probably think it was, or turn it into one. Why did he have to do this to me? He knew their flight didn’t leave until one p.m., so he should be letting me enjoy the last few hours I had with my son. But that was probably why he was pinging me in the first place; he was probably jealous that I had more time with Anthony and was trying to derail it. God, I really needed some breathing room.

 

“I assure you it's not an emergency. I’ll be right back, okay?”

 

I hurried outside to the back porch but only got a few moments alone before Leah followed me out. I leaned against the railing, looking out into the driveway where the broken-down motorcycle sat. She came to stand next to me and looked at the bike with me.

 

“Edward, tell me the truth. What is going on with you and Jake? I get that you don’t want to disillusion Anthony, but I've known you two for a long time, and as friends rather than parent-child. I can tell something is up. Jake said everything was fine—he's just stressed at work. It’s more than that, though. I know it is. I’m not blind. Talk to me.”

 

I heaved a sigh. There was no getting out of this. “We’re at an impasse, Leah. I get upset when the only things Jacob ever talks about are the things that make him miserable. But he won’t let me help him with his depression. Every suggestion I make, he shoots down or ignores. He never asks how my day was, or what happened with the kids. I can barely get a word in edgewise most of the time, and I feel like Jacob doesn’t care what I have to say. He either dismisses me or steamrolls over me. I feel invisible.” That last part was just a whisper, but I knew Leah heard.

 

Actually admitting all of that out loud for the first time made it all so real. I realized I’d been making excuse after excuse for Jacob’s behavior, but maybe he could no longer be reached. Maybe he didn’t love me like he used to but felt stuck with me because of the kids.

 

“Are you still having sex, at least?”

 

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I couldn't answer her. It hurt too much that we weren't. In the end, my body decided for me and I looked away, turning my face so she wouldn't see the tears starting to well up in my eyes. Damn this humanity. How humiliating if Leah saw me cry. As if the situation itself weren't humiliating enough.

 

“That's a no then.” She shifted, and then her arms wrapped around me. It was too much, and I gripped her hands, intending to push her away, but the tears fell, and an anguished whimper left my lips unbidden. My daughter-in-law turned me around and held me close as I cried for the first time over this whole ordeal. She rubbed my back in comfort as I wept, but no words were spoken.

 

What was there to say?

%MCEPASTEBIN%


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N:** You’re getting it a day early. I just couldn’t wait!

**Chapter 6**

**EPOV**

 

 

On the evening that Anthony left, Sarah was having an especially difficult time falling asleep. In a stroke of astounding luck, Jacob volunteered to handle her, which afforded me with an unusual free hour of quiet reflection once Billy had gone to bed. Sarah didn’t get to see her big brother that much, and he always rough-housed with her and brought her out of her shell a little. Anthony never tiptoed around the disability. If Sarah started to get stimmy or distant, he just had an innate way of bringing her back to the present with that big goofy grin of his. Just like his father’s. Sarah was probably sad to see Anthony leave.

 

Hell, I was sad too. Anthony was my first baby—the miracle baby. He was probably the most doted on kid ever to exist. We showered him with affection, bought him everything under the sun, and he was always with one of us. We never wanted to let him go. But soon, he hit puberty, and he began to see Leah in a new light. And there he went. He was ready to move on from his parents.

 

It hurt more than I liked to admit. I was of two minds about it; while I was happy that my son had found love and was going to start a life of his own that I helped raise him for, I just missed him. I was intensely proud of what a good husband, student—and now, father—he was. Mira was a lovely little girl, and although I felt uneasy about Embry’s imprint on her, I had to keep reminding myself that Leah and Anthony were hard to get used to when he was still a boy. Now that he was a man, it was obvious they were made for each other. I hoped it would be the same for Mira and Embry, that she would want him too in time.

 

Leah, Leah. So embarrassing, what I did. I couldn’t believe I told her all that shit about Jake. Fuck, did I cry? Shit.

 

While I knew she didn’t say a word to Anthony while they were still here, I had no illusions that she wouldn’t recount everything to her husband now that they were on the plane home. I only hoped she would edit out the part where I cried on her shoulder; my son didn't need to know that.

 

Eventually Jacob emerged from Sarah’s bedroom and found me sitting silently in the dark on the couch, thinking about all of that. Shockingly, he didn't head to the computer, but sat down beside me. He gave me a sympathetic look. He smelled like he hadn’t showered in a couple of days. I loved when he smelled like that. Jake put an arm around me, giving my shoulder a squeeze. I instinctively leaned into his touch and he wrapped both arms around me, hugging me close to him.

 

“Are you sad he's gone?” His voice was low and sullen.

 

I nodded into his shirt. “Of course.”

 

“Me too.”

 

We sat quietly for a while, Jacob with one arm around my shoulders and me leaning against him. After a time, there was a change in the atmosphere, and I started to feel a twinge of arousal. The arm that wasn't around me drifted down to my lap where he started stroking my thigh. He began at the top and slowly worked his way inward as he ran his nose up my neck and buried it in the hair behind my ear, scenting me. It was hot, don’t get me wrong, but I wasn't really in the mood.

 

His hand moved higher suddenly and I gasped in surprise as he grazed his fingers over my latent cock. It twitched in reaction and started filling up. I felt him smile into my hair as he stroked my cock to a stand.

 

“Remember how we made that little boy?” he whispered into my hair.

 

My mind battled itself with the memory of how we used to be sexually and the reality of how we were now. He wanted it to be sweet and gentle...he wanted to make love to me; I could tell by the way he was touching me. The conversation with Leah was still fresh in my mind, and I was angry at him for the things he’d done. But I still wanted him, damn it. I would fuck him tonight, but I wanted to make him work for it.

 

I turned my head away from his lingering lips as he continued to stroke me. “Not now.” My voice came out breathy. “Billy might wake up any minute.”

 

“Yes, now.” Jacob leaned in and nuzzled his stubbly cheek against my smooth one. I returned his wolf kiss, and then he buried his face back in my neck, gripping my rock solid cock, the smell of his own arousal growing thicker. I gasped at the sudden surge of lust and felt myself giving in without much of a fight. Jacob moved so his face was aligned with mine, though we were both watching my cock fuck his fist.

 

“If baby wakes up, baby can wait,” he murmured before capturing my lips with his.

 

As his tongue slid against mine, I forgot everything that was bothering me and just went with it. Sex had healing power, and it was particularly potent for us. I was confident that a good night in bed might be just the thing we needed to be better. And I wanted that.

 

Jake broke the kiss and his lips traveled down my neck to my collarbone, then back up again, randomly nipping and sucking as his fist pumped me harder, faster. I let out this strangled little mewl, “OooOooo,” and he groaned deeply.

 

“Fuck Edward, you’re so hot—” He swiftly unbuttoned the rest of my half-closed shirt and spread the fabric so he could sweep his free hand over my bare torso. “—it hurts me.”

 

I moaned and opened my eyes, looking down at Jacob’s lap. His loose gym shorts formed an obscene tent around his stiff cock and a damp patch had seeped into the fabric at the tip. That, and the fact I hadn’t had his hand around my cock in ages, brought me right to the edge. I hissed and moaned as I watched the glistening, bulging, pink head emerge and disappear into Jake’s tan fist a few more times before my toes curled and my back arched, my orgasm tearing through me.

 

My cum spurted onto my exposed body—a little on the shirt—and Jake kept on pumping me until I had nothing left to give. As I came down, I felt his wet tongue swirl over my right pec and down my abs, licking up what I’d left there. I shuddered at the feeling, and then I was lying on my back on the couch, and Jacob was standing at the end of the couch by my feet, quickly shedding his tank and shorts. His thick, long cock stood up between his legs, pointing at me. I moaned at the sight of him, making him grin. He reached down and grabbed my legs, pulling me toward him as I squealed with surprised laughter.

 

He laughed with me, hooking his arms under my legs so the backs of my knees rested in the crooks of his elbows. He positioned me until my ass rested up on the arm of the couch and held my legs spread. His eyes feasted on my body, but a sharp wave of embarrassment crashed over me. It had been a long time since I'd been on display like this and I felt insecure. My body wasn’t quite the same as it used to be before having three kids. For one thing, I was softer. My abs weren’t as defined, and I was warmer to the touch. The meeting of fire and ice was gone. The contrast of temperature was still there of course, as Jacob would always be above average, but it wasn’t as sharp as it was in the beginning. And I knew that was one of the things Jacob loved most. I did too.

 

Jacob actually seemed to realize what I was feeling as he gazed down at me laid bare before him. His stare and his cock told me he was more than aroused by me, but I needed reassurance. Perhaps foolishly, but I needed him to tell me.

 

“Fuck, Edward, you're so hot. I need you.” He let go of one knee and sucked a finger into his mouth, then pressed against my exposed opening with his saliva-coated fingertip. “I need to be inside you. Tell me you want me to.”

 

I met his lusty, heavy-lidded gaze. “I want you to.”

 

He smiled and drew his lower lip between his perfect white teeth as his free hand ghosted down my body, lighting my flesh on fire with his heat. He prepared me quickly with the other hand—the kids could wake up any moment. I welcomed the burning sensation as my body stretched to accommodate his thick fingers. Thank goodness they were thick because his cock was too. It was normal length-wise, but it was really fat and a fucking tight squeeze. Of course I never realized this while I was still the old me. Now that I was more human though, I felt the pain of his entry a lot more. A few tough moments were totally worth how good it was to be filled and fucked by him though. There was nothing like it on earth.

 

He pressed slowly inside, trying not to hurt me. The head was always the worst and I fought against myself to relax and let him in. When he was inside me to the hilt, he paused, waiting for me to tell him I was ready. It was an overwhelming feeling to be filled by him. I could feel him everywhere inside me, and pictured myself speared on his cock like a pig on a spit. The image made me want more; I needed him to move, to feel him thrusting into me. So I made the first move, nudging his hips with mine. He groaned and pulled out almost all the way before sinking all the way back in, first slowly, then faster and faster until he was ramming into me, grazing just the right spot nearly every time. I felt crazy, breathless, insane with lust.

 

“Oh god, Jacob.” I gasped. “I missed you.”

 

The second it was out there, I regretted saying it. After all I’d been dealing with, I felt too exposed with my emotions on the line like that. What if he didn’t say it back? But Jacob didn’t notice my brief mental freak-out, and he smiled, his lips hovering over mine. “I miss you too.”

 

Relieved, I let it go and reveled in the moment, just feeling and reacting to his lips, his hands, his cock which was relentlessly massaging my sweet spot. My vision got blurry and I felt my release tensing up like a guitar string about to snap.

 

“Oh god, I’m gonna cum.”

 

“Fuck. Yes. Cum for me.”

 

He wrapped his calloused palm around my straining dick. One strong pull was the end of me and my clenching passage brought Jacob with me. He howled out his release, resting his sweaty forehead against my heaving chest. As we caught our breath, I relished the feel of his hot seed deep inside me. Jacob’s most recent heat ended two months before, so it was prime time for unprotected sex; we still had several months before his hormones would be able to influence my body to become fertile again. With the marked lack of sex we’d been having, we were wasting the best sex times. I hated having to stop everything to roll on a condom.

 

Jacob interrupted my train of thought when he lifted himself off me and his wet tongue swept over my stomach cleaning my release from my skin again.

 

“Fuck, Jacob,” I whispered.

 

“I fuckin’ love you, Edward,” he whispered back before he captured my lips with his.

 

**~SOD~**

 

The next few days went smoothly as they often did after sex. It made me wish we did it more often. On the third night I had every intention of coming on to him, but when he came home from work, he was in as rank a mood as ever. My heart sank with disappointment. I had hoped the happier Jake would last more than three days. But he was back to his old worries full force, drowning in sorrow about his loneliness about his father and ties to the tribe. As he spoke about it for the umpteenth time, my mind drifted. I didn’t know what to do to help him. Jacob didn’t want my advice; he made that clear on numerous occasions. But I couldn’t stop myself from wanting to give advice when he confided in me, because I wanted to fix things and make everything better for him. All because I loved him and I wanted him to be happy, like he used to be before all this recent bullshit. I missed us.

 

“Hello? Are you even listening?”

 

Shit. “Uhh, I tried.” What? Did I really say that?

 

“Well, you didn't try hard enough.” He huffed and crossed his arms over his chest, turning on his heel and stalking away.

 

I didn't try to stop him. He was right to be upset. It was rather rude of me to drift off while he was talking about things that affected his heart so deeply. But there was nothing more I could do for him. Well, there was one more thing, I was just nervous to bring it up. But at this point, these black moods had gone on long enough. I had to pull out all the stops, for all of our sake’s. So, I followed him into the kitchen, deciding to suggest my latest idea to him, probably against my better judgment. I knew what I had to say wasn’t going to go over well in his current state of mind.

 

He was likely going to chew me out, but we were usually so tense with each other every day that it hardly mattered to me if he got madder with my suggestion. His reaction would be no worse than the usual silence and pent-up anger he usually displayed toward me.

 

“Baby?”

 

“What.”

 

“You need to talk about what’s bothering you. I get that. But you also need help coping with these feelings. You don’t want my help, and you won’t go to an anonymous group. Maybe you need an objective one-on-one. Have you thought about seeing a psychiatrist?”

 

I bit my lip and held my breath as I waited for him to speak. His eyes narrowed a bit at first, but then he smirked, arms still crossed in front of him.

 

“I don’t trust psychs. They just look at this pathetic guy on the couch in their office and see dollar signs. They’d be bored to death with my complaining, wishing I was a more interesting psychotic.”

 

I looked down, preparing my argument mentally before looking back up at him.

 

“I admit that it is a possibility, but it is also possible that you’ll find someone who holds the key to helping you cope with your emotions. Come to terms with things.”

 

“I’ll get over it, I just need time.”

 

“No, Jake, you need more.”

 

“Look what those fuckers did to Alice!”

 

“Jake, that was in the 1920s—”

 

He steamrolled over me. “You want them to put me in the loony bin? Then you can tell everyone, ‘Oh, my husband went nuts, they locked him away. Wanna fuck me?’”

 

It wasn’t the first time he’d said something like that; it was as if he thought I was just itching to sleep with other men.

 

“What? Jacob, you’re being crazy right now.”

 

Wrong thing to say.

 

“See? You want me committed. Then you’ll be free.”

 

“Oh, Jacob. You know that’s not what I mean.”

 

“Do I?”

 

His face was a stony mask. He was definitely not going to do it. He just stared at me like I was the crazy one to think he’d agree to go to a psychiatrist. But I had to ask. It was the last thing I could think of that might help us.

 

I felt kind of pathetic, but I tried again. “Please, Jacob. Do it for me. Just try it once?”

 

He didn’t budge. “I’m not doing it, Edward. Give it up.”

 

“Fine!” I hissed, slamming the table with my hand. “God! You’re such an asshole.”

 

“I’m an asshole? Fuck off, Edward! What do you think _you_ are? You know I hate psychiatrists—why would you even say that to me…”

 

I didn’t hear the rest of what he said after I shut the door behind me. I needed to drive for a while and calm down.

 

 **A/N:** It seemed like things might get better for a minute there, didn’t it? No such luck though. A lot of people want to see Jacob’s POV, so it will be done! The outtake is with my betas now, and will be posted after Chapter 8, as a few more things need to happen before we can hear from Jacob.

%MCEPASTEBIN%


	8. Chapter 7

**A/N:** Special thanks to 4mejasper for beta’ing!

 

**Chapter 7**

**EPOV**

 

Driving always had a way of soothing me. Although I could no longer turn my headlights off and speed down the highway due to the loss of my mind-reading ability, doing 70 on the open road while blasting the radio helped calm the anger inside. When I returned to the house, I found Jacob sitting at the computer. Glancing at the clock on the stove, I saw that it was nearly two in the morning.

 

“What are you still doing awake?" I asked.

 

Jacob heaved a sigh and turned to look at me. “Billy woke up crying. It took me a while to get him back down and I didn't want to risk waking him again by sneaking into bed yet.” He paused, biting his lower lip. “Besides, I wanted to be sure you came home,” he said, eyes downcast.

 

“Thank you, Jake. That means a lot to me. But I’d never leave you like that.”

 

He nodded but didn't look back up at me, so I continued.

 

“You know, I was doing some thinking in the car. Would it make you feel better if we moved back there?”

 

His eyes met mine then, wide with surprise. “Back to Oregon?”

 

“Yeah. We could even go back to Forks to be closer to your land if you want.”

 

“You would do that for me? Uproot all of our lives?”

 

“I would do anything I can to help you feel better.”

 

“I appreciate that, Edward, I really do. But no, moving back isn't going to help me.”

 

I stayed silent, not really knowing what to say. I could tell he wasn’t done yet, just thinking about what he wanted to say. After a few moments, he continued.

 

“It wouldn’t change anything. Rebecca would still be in Hawaii and Rachel will still have her brood of kids with Paul to keep her busy. The pack has mainly gone off, everyone doing their own thing. My dad is dead. Seth is in France, for God’s sake. Embry would be around, but all he thinks about is my granddaughter and that’s weird for me. We’d be near Anthony, and I would really love that, but he’s a grown man now with his own life. He doesn’t need or want his parents crowding him. You said so yourself the other night. Besides, we need to be here, for Sarah.”

 

Inside, I breathed a sigh of relief, grateful that he remembered the reason we were in Massachusetts in the first place. “You’re right, Jake. We need to be here for her sake.”

 

Jacob nodded and shrugged. “It is what it is. Let’s go to bed.”

 

 

**~SOD~**

 

 

It was still a wonder to me how Jacob could just turn on a dime. His moods were unstable and unpredictable, and I hated feeling like I was walking on eggshells through my own life. The very day after we’d discussed moving and agreed to stay put, Jacob was moaning over instant messenger how much he missed everyone and wished he could go back in time to the way things were. Obviously, that made me feel like shit, like I wasn’t good enough for him. And as usual, he needed to vent to me, keeping me at the computer for most of the day.

 

Dutifully, I listened to him with patience, effectively ignoring the children in an effort to be what my husband needed me to be. Of course, yet again, I got no thanks for that when he finally came home. Jake’s mood was gloomy at best. He hugged the kids hello when they ran to greet him, but then he headed off to sit in front of the computer and tooled around on social media sites until bedtime. He was barely present, except to ask what was for dinner.

 

Again, I handled putting the kids to bed. Jacob immediately accosted me as I stepped out of Sarah’s bedroom, continuing to vent about his bad day and sorry circumstances now that the kids weren’t around the hear his angry complaining. There was no escaping it; if I went into the living room, he followed. If I went to the kitchen, he followed. If I went to the bathroom and shut the door, he just kept talking on the other side of it.

 

I felt like my head was going to explode as I sank down to sit on the closed lid of the toilet. I knew he was talking about the loss of his father and the fracturing of the pack again, but I honestly couldn’t comprehend the words. It was like a droning garble of sounds, and I clapped my hands over my ears, digging my fingertips into my scalp to gain some relief. I squeezed my eyes shut and cried silently, not wanting him to realize it by letting out a sob. My struggle to remain quiet made it difficult to breathe, and I choked on my own held breath. My chest felt tight, and my feeling of anxiety skyrocketed. I was having a panic attack. I couldn’t take it anymore.

 

Standing up and regaining my composure save for the tears that wouldn’t stop streaming, I threw open the bathroom door. Jacob stepped backward in surprise as he took in my appearance, and thankfully stopped his diatribe.

 

“Why are you crying, babe?” he asked, his voice full of concern.

 

I was too far gone to appreciate that though. “Don’t call me that right now. I’m so overwhelmed by this, Jacob. It’s too much, and I can’t help you. I don’t know what to say to you anymore.”

 

Jacob’s eyes hardened. “I’m fucking sad, Edward. My dad is dead, and I have no friends. I have no one in my life, and I need to talk about it. You’re all I’ve got.”

 

“Great! So I’m your perpetual dumping ground then? Well, that’s too hard for me. I can’t deal with it. I don’t want to hear about it twenty-four/seven!”

 

“Edward—”

 

“No! Everything I suggest, you shoot down!” I ticked them off on my fingers as I listed them. "The group, the psychiatrist, moving back home, Carlisle’s money…” I emphasized that last one and glared at him hard. "I don't know what I am supposed to do to help you, and you can't, or won't, tell me! I only want you to be happy, Jake.”

 

“Oh sure, bring up Carlisle’s money. Thanks for that reminder.”

 

“He could and would help us, you know that. But your foolish pride stands in the way.”

 

“Fuck, Edward. I’m not talking about this now. I’m already upset enough, don’t you think?”

 

I threw my hands up, utterly frustrated. “It’s always all about your emotions! As if I didn’t have any. The only feelings that matter are yours.”

 

“No, you’re important. You’re the only thing good in my life.”

 

“Oh my god, Jacob, the number of times I’ve heard you say those words, I can’t even say. Too many times to count. And then you act like the exact opposite is true the next time you feel upset. Which is always! Well, I have feelings too, goddamn it!”

 

“Yeah? Well, your feelings are wrong!”

 

“Fuck you, Jacob!”

 

He walked right up to me, his eyes flashing with anger as he pointed a finger in my face. “I don’t need you,” he hissed at me.

 

For the second day in a row, I turned on my heel and stormed out into the night. What he said crushed my soul, and I ran away as soon as the cool night air hit my skin. Now that I was away from him, the tears fell freely and I sobbed about what had become of us. How did it get to this point? Why us? We’d been so happy once. But he didn’t need me anymore. He didn’t want me.

I ran all the way to the state park nature reserve. I needed a distraction from all of this, and it had been months since I fed the meager bloodlust that lingered deep within me. But I was out for blood tonight; I needed to kill something. Better it be a deer or a puma than Jacob. When I returned several hours later, Jacob was asleep on the couch. I didn’t bother to wake him. I just left him there and went into the bedroom to sleep alone.

 

The next morning, I received the cold shoulder treatment from Jacob, although he did pay extra attention to the kids. We spoke civilly to each other, but only when necessary. That went on for three days. The kids were feeling the tension, I could see it in their eyes, but I felt powerless to change it. I had no more energy within me to deal with all of this.

 

On the third day of barely acknowledging each other, the computer pinged insistently, over and over. Jacob had not contacted me over instant messenger while he was working since our fight. Was he IMing me to apologize? Did he see how cruel he was to me? I checked up on the kids, who were happily playing in Sarah’s bedroom. Sarah was home early today after having an early closing at school. They seemed content and busy, so I figured I had time to chat with Jacob and accept his apologies if he was willing to give them.

 

When I went to investigate, I found it wasn’t my window that was making the noise. Jake had left his browser open, but minimized. The pinging must be coming from there. It would be a blatant invasion of his privacy, but I felt compelled to look. What I found was that he was indeed chatting with someone while at work.

 

Someone that wasn't me.

 

Someone named Marcy.

 

 **Jacob:** I just can’t deal with him anymore. He doesn’t understand me. Has no idea what I’m going through, and then tears me a new one when I’m sad.

 

 **Marcy:** That’s not cool, Jake. You shouldn’t have to put up with that.

 

Rage ripped through my body. What the fuck did she know? What about what I was feeling? And she was calling him Jake—he didn’t let anyone call him that except me! I clicked on her name to bring up her profile. Marcy Brenneman. Works at “The Worst Job Ever.” Young. Pretty. _Single. Female._ Fuck!

 

 **Marcy:** Hun, let’s go out on lunch break. Maybe I can help distract you from all of this.

 

 **Jacob:** Okay, babe. It’s a date.

 

I slammed the laptop closed with such force I may have broken it. Hurt and betrayal made my chest constrict. He was cheating on me. Maybe it wasn’t physical…yet. But he was confiding in her, complaining about me. Jacob was an incredibly attractive guy. Every girl’s dream. I had no doubt she would seize this opportunity to try and seduce him away, possibly starting with this little lunch date they would go on today. I struggled to swallow my anger and hurt so I wouldn’t frighten the kids. But this was too much. I could take no more of this. Jacob said he didn’t need me, and obviously, he didn’t want me either. I couldn’t help but wonder if he’d been thinking of this Marcy girl while he fucked me the other night. A shudder of disgust coursed up my spine. I felt dirty now. If I was so inconsequential to him, I would just leave.

 

With a smile forced on my face, I went into Sarah’s bedroom. The kids were playing with her train set, but looked up at me when I came in.

 

“Guess what, guys?” I asked, mustering up as much enthusiasm as I could. “We’re going to Grandma and Grandpa’s house!”

 

“Yay!” Sarah cheered, jumping to her feet. “I love Grandma and Grandpa’s!”

 

“I know you do, baby.” God, I hoped someone would be there. But even if the house was empty, Sarah would still be happy. Carlisle had installed a humungous playscape in the backyard; it was like a mini-amusement park back there. That would be enough to entertain her for a few days. “Okay, I’m going to pack a few things, and then we’ll go.”

 

“What about Papa?” Sarah asked, cocking her head to the side.

 

I bit back a sigh. “Oh, I’m sure he wants to come, but he has to work. He’ll meet us there, okay?”

 

“Okay!”

 

“All right, gather up some toys you want to bring. We’ll leave in half an hour.”

 

Sarah began to busy herself collecting her toys and chattering to Billy about what he should bring. He just grinned at her, not comprehending, so Sarah chose for him. I’d make sure to supplement her choices before we left.

 

As I packed our clothes and essentials, I dialed the number to Sarah’s school. I hesitated before hitting send; even though it was summer, Sarah still had preschool. It was essential for her condition to have a continuous routine. Summer preschool was mainly guided play, so I wasn’t concerned about her missing much academically, but I did have some guilt about taking her out of her familiar schedule. A week away wouldn’t be too bad though, particularly with that playscape to distract her. Having convinced myself, I placed the call, citing a family emergency. I told them my father was ill, so we’d be going to visit him for about a week. If Jacob thought to call the school, he’d immediately know it was a lie, but I hardly cared anymore.

 

After I gathered everything I thought we needed, I got the kids and helped them put their shoes on. For a moment, I considered leaving Jacob a note, but I didn’t think on it long. If he ever listened to me, he’d know why I left. And if he hadn’t listened, well, too bad for him. Lord knows I had tried to be heard often enough.

 

While I loaded the kids in the car, my gaze fell on the old, broken-down motorcycle, covered with the tarp in the driveway. A lump formed in my throat. Even if Jacob wanted to come after me, he wouldn’t be able to. I started to reconsider my decision to leave, but then I remembered Marcy’s fucking face.

 

Without another thought, I threw the car in reverse.

 

 **A/N:** Well, that happened. What are we thinking out there?

%MCEPASTEBIN%


	9. Chapter 8

**A/N: Wow, all of your reviews for the last chapter were so awesome. I truly loved reading every one. It inspired me to post this one early :) Reviews make me ever so happy! I hope you enjoy this one as well, even though it is a little bit of a filler. Special thanks to 4mejasper for pre-reading!**

**Chapter 8**

**EPOV**

I flew down the highway, as if the speed would leave my troubles behind. Only they didn't stay in Boston where I left them; they followed, consuming my thoughts. No wonder Jacob was so snappy and distant with me. He was finding solace with another person. A woman.

It was the last straw. Jacob told me he didn't need me, and he obviously found what he needed in the arms of this mysterious woman I'd never even heard of. All I could see was the young, pretty blonde wrapped up in Jacob's strong arms, where I should be. I had to leave. I just couldn't bear the thought of looking him in the face after he'd betrayed me like that, even if he wasn't having sex with her. The fact that he was finding emotional support from her felt just as bad.

I hoped that leaving would show Jacob just how much he actually did need me. I had left him no option to follow me, having taken the only working vehicle. Jacob took the subway to his downtown job daily, and the bike was still broken down in the driveway. Jacob never had any time to tinker with it, nor did we have the extra money for whatever part it needed to make it run again. He couldn't possibly follow me unless he got that bike fixed. He could phase, I supposed, but there were too many towns and cities between our house and Carlisle's; he would have to phase in and out, and walk much of the way. I knew he wouldn't do that.

I'd also left my cell phone behind in my haste. I hadn't meant to, but I was glad I did because Jacob would surely be blowing it up with calls once he realized I had left him. I half-hoped he wouldn't know where I'd gone, but the rational part of me knew he would call Carlisle's house the moment he found the house empty, the car gone, and my phone left on the table. I really didn't want to hear what he had to say. I was so beyond done listening to him.

About halfway to Carlisle's house, Billy began wailing in his car seat. I tried to calm him by singing nursery rhymes, but it wasn't working like it usually did. Just when I thought I might lose my mind over his cries, Sarah chimed in.

"Daddy, I'm hungry."

I looked at her in the rearview mirror, her lower lip pouting and her hand rubbing her belly. Shit! In my haste to leave, I forgot to feed them. What a selfish asshole of a father I was.

"I'm so sorry, baby. Daddy should have made you lunch. We'll stop and get something."

Thankfully there was a McDonalds at the rest stop a few exits down. One meal of chicken nuggets wouldn't kill them. We stopped and they ate, and I let them run around the play area for a while before getting back on the road. It was good for them to get their energy out, but it was also a good distraction for me since I had to focus on them not getting hurt or running off.

We arrived at Carlisle's estate in the Berkshire's about two and a half hours after we'd left home. I checked the clock as I drove slowly up the long driveway—5:45pm. Jacob would be home in half an hour. I wondered what he would think when he discovered we were all gone. Soon, the house was in view, and I pulled to a stop in front of the garage. The door was open and a car was parked in it—someone was here after all.

"We're here! We're here!" Sarah shouted in excitement.

The front door opened as I slid out of the driver's seat and started to unbuckle Billy from his car seat. Alice and Esme came outside with huge grins plastered on their faces, and Sarah threw open her door, launching herself into her grandmother's waiting arms.

"Edward! This is a surprise! What are you doing here?" Alice asked, scooping Billy from my arms and giving him a smooch before kissing my cheek as well.

I laughed at her enthusiasm. "I might ask you the same question. I didn't expect to find anyone here."

"Oh, Esme and I just needed to get away from the compound for a while."

"We hadn't been back to this house in a few months," Esme said. "You know how I hate for my houses to gather dust. And I found this really lovely wallpaper that I wanted to hang in the library."

"And I came with her. Those Romanian vampires are visiting with Carlisle, and they give me the creeps. So, this was the perfect excuse to leave."

I nodded my understanding. "Is Jasper here?"

Alice looked a little forlorn. "No, Carlisle needed him to handle a shipment of synthetic blood that got delivered to the wrong place."

"Oh, that's too bad." Truthfully, I was glad Jasper wasn't here. I would probably destroy him with the myriad of painful emotions coursing through me. "So, were you going to call me and tell me you were in town?"

Esme gave me an apologetic look. "Sorry, Edward. We were going to, but we weren't staying long, and we knew Anthony was visiting. We didn't want to interrupt your family time since you haven't seen your son in so long. And then, with Sarah in school and Jacob working, I knew you wouldn't be able to visit on such short notice. Although, here you are, so I suppose I was wrong."

"Where is Jake anyway?" Alice asked, looking around as though he might pop out of the woods.

"Working." My answer came out a lot stonier than I meant it too, and they both gave me an odd look. Alice moved on to another topic, but Esme continued to look at me with concern.

"Geez, Edward. Look at how you dress when I'm not around. Seriously, without me, you dress like a teenage boy."

I looked down at my vintage Led Zeppelin band t-shirt and faded jeans. What was so wrong with that? "I am a teenage boy."

Alice huffed. "You stink too. Usually you do us the courtesy of showering before you come. Lessen the dog smell, you know?"

"Yeah, sorry. I left quickly this time."

I had unloaded the bags from the trunk as we talked, and we all made our way up the porch steps and into the house.

"So, what's going on, Edward?" Esme asked. "Not that we are unhappy about it—far from it—but why the surprise visit?"

Before I could respond, the phone began to ring. I looked at the clock on the mantle. 6:10. It was Jake. Not wanting Esme to answer it first, I rushed over to the side table and picked up the receiver.

"Hello?"

"Edward! What the fuck? Why did you leave? You didn't even take your phone! How could you take the kids away from me!"

I took a deep breath and glanced over at Alice and Esme. They both looked shocked, having heard his yelling quite clearly with their sensitive hearing.

Turning my back to them, I spoke softly but firmly. "You're bad for them right now. Your moods are too erratic." My voice was steadier than I expected.

"Fuck, Edward, I'm a mess right now, don't you know that? How can you do this to me?"

"Who the fuck is Marcy, Jacob," I hissed into the phone.

There was a short pause. "What?"

"You heard me."

There was a significantly longer pause. "Shit, Edward. It's not what you think. I—"

I hung up the receiver before he could finish, not wanting to hear his excuses. I knew what I saw, and I wasn't in the mood to hear him backpedalling.

Of course, Esme and Alice heard every word of the conversation. Even if he hadn't been screaming, they would have heard.

"You left him," Alice whispered.

"Yes."

"It must be really bad if you left him."

"It is."

Alice fell silent, her eyes unfocused as she tried in vain to see into my future.

Esme looked at me, hurt and worry evident in her eyes. "Edward, how long has this been going on? Why didn't you tell me?"

My sigh was heavy. "Esme, I just couldn't talk about it, okay? I still don't want to." I crossed my arms over my chest, hoping she would take the hint that I didn't want to continue this line of questioning. Thankfully, she didn't push me.

"Okay, dear," she said hesitantly. "I'm here for you when you're ready to talk."

With that, she took the children outside, but Alice stayed behind. She wasn't going to let it drop so easily. But still, I tried to avoid her questions, turning quickly on my heel to bring the bags to our room.

Alice followed me down the hall, grabbing me by the shoulder. I stopped, turning to face her with resignation.

"Why is he being like this?" she asked quietly.

I shrugged. "Things changed suddenly for him and he doesn't like the direction he's headed in. He takes it out on me. Because who better to dump it all on than the person who loves him."

"Is he cheating on you?"

"I don't know, Alice. I don't think so…but I'm not sure."

"Have you tried to talk to him about this, or did you just run away?"

"Of course I have," I snapped. "And he always says he'll do better, but it never changes."

"Maybe he doesn't realize—"

"No, Alice. I tell him quite plainly how I feel. He's depressed and I try to help him, but he blows me off. He never listens to me. It's like I don't even exist anymore."

I turned and made my way into the bedroom to begin unpacking the suitcase. Alice followed and sat down beside it on the bed.

"Why do you stay, if he only makes you feel bad?"

"In case you haven't noticed, I didn't stay."

"I mean, why did you stay for so long."

I sighed inwardly. "Because he doesn't only make me feel bad. He makes me feel a lot of things. It's complicated. I just feel everything more intensely when it involves him."

"Ok, so, which feeling makes you stay?"

I paused my unpacking for a moment, faltering. "It's embarrassing."

"Tell me anyway," Alice said with a grin, leaning forward on her palms.

I couldn't believe I was telling my sister this even as I spoke the words. "Because I want him, okay? I can't not want him. I've tried, but I need him like that. No one else would do."

She smiled more naturally and nodded. "I understand."

I blinked at her. "You do?"

"I do."

The phone began to ring again. Alice looked to the open doorway.

"Don't answer it."

She looked at me sadly, but didn't make a move toward the phone. After several rings, the machine picked up.

Carlisle's voice came through the machine. "You've reached the Cullens. Please leave a message."

"Edward? Edward! I know you're there, please pick up!" Jacob's voice was desperate and strained, like he'd been crying. "Edward, you have to let me explain! Please, please call me…oh, Edward…fuck."

When the message ended, I swallowed against the hard lump in my throat. I hated to hear him like that. He didn't cry much, and when he did, I could feel it in the very depths of my so-called soul. Alice noticed my pained expression, and she came over to hug me, wrapping her slight arms around my waist.

"Maybe you should hear him out," she whispered into my chest.

I pushed her from me gently, but firmly enough to show her I was serious.

"No, Alice. I've given in too many times. I don't want to hear what he has to say. I can't. Whatever he says, he'll just forget it again once I forgive him. I'm tired of it. I need a break, and he needs to realize what he's missing without me. It's the only way left. Maybe this will change things, maybe it won't. I'm not going to hold out hope. It hurts too much."

"I'm sorry, Edward."

"Yeah, me too."

**~SOD~**

That night, after the kids were in bed, I told Alice and Esme everything. I told them how it had all begun when our money had drained away, and Jacob's job at the auto shop had been filled before he could return. How he had to take a job he hated to support us all, and how the drudgery of it combined with the financial strain had taken its toll on him. I told them how he'd refused to let me ask Carlisle for help, his foolish pride outweighing our needs. I told them about how his father's death and the lost connection to the pack, along with our distance from the familiarity of our life in Oregon, had made him feel like he was alone in the world. And I told them how it all affected me—the hurt I felt about not being enough for him, and the anger and resentment I had toward him for not listening to my advice or allowing me to help him. Finally, I told them what little I knew about Marcy, and how that had been the final straw for me.

Somehow, I managed not to cry. Perhaps I had cried all that I could at that point. I just felt numb inside. They listened to it all without interruption, letting me get everything off my chest. When I fell silent, Esme came to sit next to me on the couch, taking my hand in hers.

"Edward, do you really think he's sleeping with this girl?"

I sighed and looked down at our hands. "No. I am pretty sure he's not…physically involved with her. Not yet, anyway. But it's cheating all the same, Esme. He doesn't want my support, won't let me help him. He's finding what he needs with someone else, and I can't do anything about it. I've tried."

"Were things any better when Anthony was there?" Alice asked.

"At first, but then he flipped out on Sarah, and then again on Billy. Embry was there too. He imprinted on Miracle, so that didn't go over too well with Jacob either."

"How do you feel about that?" Esme asked.

I shrugged. 'She could do worse than Embry." I sighed. "Anyway, after Jacob went off on the kids, Anthony got me alone and asked me if everything was okay. He was worried that Jacob was hurting me emotionally, and I told him Jake was just having a bad day. But he knew something was wrong. Leah cornered me too, and I did end up confessing a lot of this to her. I didn't know about Marcy at that time though."

They were quiet for a while, reflecting on what I'd told them. Eventually Esme spoke, squeezing my hand tighter. "Sweetheart, Jacob needs you. His mind got clouded by his problems and his sadness. You leaving was the best thing you could have done."

"Maybe now Jacob will realize how much he needs you in his life, what he would be missing if you were gone for good," Alice added. "He'll appreciate you more after all of this."

"Maybe," I whispered.

"I'm sure of it, dear. Just give him some time." Esme patted my arm gently. "Why don't you get some sleep, Edward. Sleep will do you a world of good."

Alice nodded. "Don't worry about the kids. We've got them."

Sleep did sound good. "Yeah, all right." I left them then and went to bed. The minute my head hit the pillow, I was out.

* * *

 **A/N:** What are we thinking out there? Do you think Edward was wrong to just leave like that, without telling Jacob first? The next update will be the heavily anticipated Jacob outtake. I'm pretty excited about it. I hope I did him justice.


	10. Interlude - Jacob POV

**Interlude: Jacob POV**

 

“Am I speaking to Aaron Daniels?”

 

“You are.”

 

“This is Jacob from Sunset Falls Collections.” I rolled my eyes automatically as I recited the script. “Your payment is 120 days past due, Mr. Daniels. Now we can—”

 

“I know,” he interrupted. “I meant to pay, I really did. But my wife passed away unexpectedly in a car accident…” A flash of my mom’s accident struck me. Mr. Daniels made a muffled sound that sounded like a sob. “And with the funeral costs…” He didn’t finish.

 

“Of course, Mr. Daniels. I’m sorry for your loss.”

 

I shut my eyes and swallowed hard as Mr. Daniels sobbed on the other end of the line. My job was to demand payment by any means necessary. We often used garnishing their wages as a last resort. I didn’t want that for Mr. Daniels, but I always did what I was told no matter the circumstances. I had a pretty big family to provide for, after all. I had to keep my emotions out of it. But it was so hard for me. I was a compassionate person, and I cared about other people. This man’s situation struck a particular chord in me though. Mom was in a car accident when I was little, yes, but I was really young. I didn’t remember a lot of what happened or what I felt about it anymore. But Dad died suddenly only a year or so ago. He never even got to know Billy. I never even got to say goodbye. I think my last word to him was probably something stupid like “Later!”

 

Sighing inwardly, I decided to do something that I would definitely get in trouble for. I had everything I needed at my disposal, and, damn it, I wanted to help this guy. I wasn’t going to be the one to piss on this man when he’s still drowning in grief. I knew what that felt like.

 

“Listen, Mr. Daniels. Here’s what I can do for you. If you can make one month’s payment today, I’ll bring your account current with the credit bureau.”

 

Mr. Daniels gasped. “You can do that?”

 

“Not normally, but you’ve experienced…special circumstances.”

 

“Oh, thank you, Jacob!” I cringed. I hated when they said my name. “Thank you so much!”

 

I processed my payment before hanging up with to make sure it went through and gave him my best wishes. Flipping the switch to prevent any incoming calls, I worried that a supervisor may have listened in on that call. They did that sometimes without you knowing, and you could win rewards for doing well. Or get punished for doing poorly. I would be getting no rewards for this.

 

Mr. Daniels’ misery had fed my own, and I typed my write-up of the call automatically as my mind wandered. If Edward and I had been more careful, I wouldn’t even be here. I’d still be doing what I loved, working at the auto shop and raking in the cash. I mean, not totally. Edward’s money was definitely also used, but we were way better off then than we are now. Now, Edward’s money had dried up since it took a pretty long time for him to recover from having Billy. He just got more and more human each time and I would worry that he might not make it through another pregnancy. I should probably get the snip or something. I filed that thought away for another time.

 

My headset started beeping at I looked at my phone—it was the supervisor’s line. Guess today was not going to be my lucky day. With resignation, I picked it up.

 

“Jacob,” she said without even waiting for a greeting, “Come see me in my office immediately.”

 

“Yes, Sonia.”

 

It felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders as I made my way to her office, all eyes on me, of course. You only got called to Sonia’s office for bad things. They knew I was in trouble.

 

Steeling myself, I knocked on the door.

 

“Come in.”

 

Opening it, I found Sonia brusquely gesturing to the chair across from her desk, a deep frown accentuating the wrinkles on her leathery skin. Lady tanned too much back in the day. I sat down and frowned back at her.

 

“Mr. Black,” she scolded, “would you mind telling me what you were thinking when you tampered with the Daniels account?”

 

“Tampered with” wasn’t exactly what I would call it. “Didn’t you listen to the call?” I did my best to keep the sarcasm at bay, but I’m pretty sure I failed judging from her narrowing eyes.

 

“Of course I did, that’s why you’re here.”

 

“His wife died. He was a mess.”

 

“Be that as it may, the bottom line is that this is a business. You don’t get to be successful if you accept half-payments. These people are the ones who’ve defaulted. We’re a business, trying to make a living.”

 

Some fucked-up living. I kinda hoped she would fire me so I’d never have to come back here. I’m a fucking Alpha, bowing down to these idiots. There was nothing I could say to defend myself really. This company didn’t care about the people they called incessantly, so why would they care about me? Most of my coworkers bragged when they got a crier on their line. I would never understand these people. Still, it didn’t seem like there was a chance she wouldn’t fire me, so I thought I’d better apologize.

 

“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

 

“See that it doesn’t. And don’t go telling people what you did. I don’t want anyone getting any ideas. If it happens again, I will blame you, no matter who actually does the transfer. Now get out of here.”

 

**********

 

My break couldn’t come fast enough. As soon as the clock turned, I switched off my headset and dug around for the beat up pack of cigarettes in my desk drawer. Not wanting to waste time waiting for the elevator, I took the stairs two at a time to get down to the ground floor. It was a beautiful, sunny day—hard to know in there seeing as I can’t see the window over my cubicle wall.

 

Leaning against the brick wall of the building, I observed the Boston city street. There were bums across the way, scattered about, but only one was begging. He kept getting passed by. It was depressing, so I shut my eyes as I took a long drag. Big mistake, ‘cause I just saw images of my dad’s face on the backs of my eyelids. I never even got to say goodbye. He was just taken from me.

 

“Hey.”

 

I jolted out of my thoughts and opened my eyes, nearly dropping the cigarette.

 

“Oh! Sorry to startle you!”

 

Marcy, the young blonde who worked a few cubes away from mine, stifled a laugh behind her hand. I guess she’d been working there for about three months now? I couldn’t really remember. Sometimes we talked in the break room. Just small talk, nothing serious. She seemed nice.

 

“No, no, it’s okay. I was just lost in thought.”

 

“Not the safest thing to do in this part of Boston, having your eyes closed, daydreaming.”

 

“I wasn’t daydreaming.”

 

Marcy shrugged and dug around in her purse until she found her cigarettes. She took a long drag as she lit it, taking the time to hold it in her lungs a little before blowing it out in a neat, continuous stream of smoke. She looked up at me with her wide, pretty blue eyes again and smiled.

 

“So. Rough day?”

 

“Yeah,” I said, breaking eye contact.

 

“Well, spill it.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Something is wrong, and I want to know what.”

 

This girl was bold. My skin bristled, but I was feeling too defeated to get too angry, so I told her about Mr. Daniels. I even went so far as to tell her I was feeling the same way at the moment about my dad, which was why I had wiped his account clean.

 

“Wow, that was so nice of you,” Marcy said when I finished. “You could have gotten fired for that.”

 

“Yeah, I guess.” I shrugged. “Nice or stupid? I don’t know.”

 

She laughed. “Maybe both.”

 

I couldn’t help but smile with her. Glancing down at my phone, I saw it was time to go back inside. “Gotta go. Big Brother will know if I’m late, you know.”

 

“Yup. Hey, do you use Facebook? I know you’re on the office messenger, but if we used Facebook, we could complain about work together.” She smiled conspiratorially.

 

Our office was cool about one thing. They didn’t mind if we web surfed as long as the work was done and the calls were made. I often used Facebook to message Edward while I was working, when the stress of the day was getting to me and I needed to get things off my chest to feel better. But Edward was increasingly more distant; his bubble was often yellow…away. I knew he needed to care for the kids, but I needed him too. He always knew the right thing to say to make things better in the past. Not this time, though. There was no way he could understand what I was going through. He barely remembered his real parents, and Carlisle and Esme would never die. He barely had to worry about that. They would live long after he was dead. He could never truly know the pain of losing a parent who is dear to your life. It’s not like I wished it on him, like he sometimes accused me of thinking. I wouldn’t wish this emotional pain on anyone. I was jealous of him though.

 

Anyway, it seemed like he was ignoring me, because he was away from the computer a lot more than he used to be. Sure, I probably complained a lot, but he was the only person I had to talk to. Maybe Marcy could be that person, at least for the shitty work stuff. We exchanged last names and I went back to work, sending her a friend request when I got back to my desk.

 

************

 

Marcy became the one I started to lean on. Not only were we good work friends, but sometimes when Edward and I fought, I would tell her a little bit about it. She could always tell we’d been fighting anyway. I never told Edward about the incident with Sonia. I didn’t want him to know how close I came to losing our only source of income. Then I would have to hear the Carlisle speech again. I am a man! Men provide for their families, they don’t take handouts.

 

Maybe he wouldn’t bring up Carlisle’s money, but he would try to fix things some other way. It’s what he always did. He could never just let me vent and get things off my chest; he always had to “find a solution to the problem.”

 

And then whenever I would talk about my dad or my lost connection to the pack, he would just sit there and look at me, never saying anything much. I don’t know if he didn’t know what to say, or if I wouldn’t want to hear what he had to say. Either way, I needed something from him, something he couldn’t give me. He didn’t know how to fix me. Even if he could still read my mind, it wouldn’t help, because I didn’t even know what I needed. It was a dead end.

 

Edward suggested I start seeing a therapist last night. I was super bummed out yesterday about Edward getting to spend so much time with the kids. I was sad that I barely got to see them except for an hour before bedtime. By the end of the day, I’m so emotionally drained that I don’t even have the energy to play with them anymore. I was drowning in misery when he suggested it. How insensitive could he be, really? Anthony’s visit made me miss my other kids more, made me realize I needed to make the most of the time we had. Edward and I had sex the night Anthony left. It was awesome, and I had felt great for a few days until I started missing Anthony and thinking on my recent treatment of Sarah and Billy.

 

I blew up at him when he said it. I think he kind of expected it, but hoped I might do it anyway. Fuck. No. He knows I hate psychs. Edward went for a hunt afterward and ever since he got back, he’d been freezing me out for the last few days, but I was giving as good as I got.

 

Marcy: Hey. You seem especially miserable today. Wanna talk about it?

 

Jacob: not really

 

Marcy: It’s more than just work this time, isn’t it?

 

Geez, was she a mind reader? I thought I was free of mind readers forever.

 

 **Jacob:** ?

 

Marcy: Come on, just tell me. Maybe I can help.

 

Jacob: I doubt it.

 

Marcy: Try me.

 

I sighed, slumping back in my chair. As usual, Edward’s IM bubble was dark. He was definitely ignoring me if the laptop was closed. I had told him I didn’t need him, and I didn’t. I didn’t need him to dismiss my feelings and think that he was the almighty fixer of all ills!

 

But, I did need to tell someone about it. My hurt and anger was festering inside me. Maybe if I confided in Marcy, I would be better able to put my hurt feelings aside and make amends with Edward. I proceeded to tell her about our most recent fight about the therapist. That segued into how I’d lost my friend and my dad, and that he was the only one left. But he didn’t understand me.

 

Jacob: I just can’t deal with him anymore. He doesn’t understand me. Has no idea what I’m going through, and then tears me a new one when I’m sad.

 

Marcy: That’s not cool, Jake. You shouldn’t have to put up with that.

 

_I shouldn’t have to._

 

Marcy: Hun, let’s go out on lunch break. Maybe I can help distract you from all of this.

 

My stomach growled loudly at the thought of food, and I saw that it was almost noon.

 

Jacob: Okay, babe. It’s a date.

 

************

 

Lunch with Marcy was a real eye opener. After she asked a few more questions about my situation with Edward, she laid it on me.

 

“Jacob, you’re not going to like this, but I think Edward is right.” She placed her palms flat on the table and gave me a pointed look. “You should see someone with an outside perspective about this. Someone objective, not a friend.”

 

“Are you fucking serious, Marcy?” I was both flabbergasted and angry that she thought I was crazy too.

 

“Dead serious. Look, the same thing happened to me when my mom got hit by a car.”

 

My hand flew to my mouth. “That’s horrible.”

 

“Thanks, yeah. It was. I had to identify her body. Let’s just say it wasn’t in tip-top shape.” She took a deep breath before going on. “Anyway, I internalized and obsessed over it. Grief consumed me and affected everything I did, including how I treated others. Or didn’t treat them, as the case may be. I was powerless in the face of grief. How I treated those around me didn’t even compute with me. My sadness was everything—there was no room for anyone or anything.

 

“My sister made me talk to someone. And it helped. Look at me now, caring about what happens to someone else. I wouldn’t have been this way if I’d met you six months ago. I wouldn’t have even noticed you.”

 

That really hit home because I knew what she meant. I definitely hadn’t been the one to notice her existence first. She fished a wallet out of her purse and opened it, taking out a card and handing it to me. It was just a regular old business card. It read:

 

Marcia S. Romero, PHD

Psychiatrist

 

“Are you serious? Marcy and Marcia?”

 

She laughed. “Yeah, I know.”

 

I looked down at the card again, rubbing my thumb over the risen typeset of her name. “She really helped you, huh?”

 

“She really did.”

 

“Thank you,” I said, slipping the card into my back pocket.

 

**************

 

As I walked home from the subway, part of me was excited to tell Edward that I was going to see a therapist like he’d asked me to. But another part was nervous—a nagging feeling—because what if I was too late? What if agreeing to see someone wouldn’t be good enough anymore?

 

I approached the driveway and noticed the car was missing. That was odd because Edward hated driving in rush hour traffic, especially with both kids in the car. He avoided running errands alone with them like the plague. Whatever it was that made him go out must have been important. Maybe this was the reason he wasn’t online at all today.

 

Worry spread from the pit of my stomach. Maybe one of the kids was hurt or sick. I rushed to the front door and unlocked it. Sure enough, the place was empty. Picking up my cell phone, I dialed Edward.

 

_Ring...ring…_

 

Duran Duran’s Hungry like the Wolf began to play loudly. I followed the sound and saw Edward’s phone on the table next to the laptop. Shit, he left his phone.

 

Holy fucking shit. He left his phone. What was going on? I was starting to panic, and even though I knew no one was here, I decided to check the other rooms. On my way to our bedroom, I stopped dead in my tracks. Oh shit, what if they’d been killed. Someone broke in and murdered them and stole the car. Fuck.

 

I hurried to the door and took a deep breath, steeling myself to open it and face whatever was on the other side. Relief flooded me when I saw nothing. Absolutely nothing. No Edward lying lifeless on the floor. It was an empty room, but the dresser drawer had been left partly open. I walked over to it and squatted down to peer in. A large chunk of Edward’s clothes were gone. Opening the underwear drawer, I saw the same to be true. My skin bristled with my anger as I stood with a jolt and stormed into Sarah’s room. Her favorite pillow was gone, along with a bunch of toys.

 

Edward left me. I was too late.

 

All of my anger died away, replaced by a pain in my heart I couldn’t describe. There were no words I knew for it. It felt like a stake was being driven through my chest, piercing my heart. Just like old vampire movies, how ironic.

 

The kids. He took my kids too.

 

 _His_ kids. They would probably prefer to be with him, really. Especially after the way I’d been ignoring them. Bitter tears fell as I cried. The house felt so foreign to me, silent as it was. Hollow.

 

Where could he have gone? Immediately, my mind went to Carlisle’s house in the Berkshires. That was definitely it. He holed up there. And I couldn’t even go to him because he took the car. The forests were too spread out to run there as my wolf. I would have to phase back a lot, and clothes would become an issue quickly. Also, it was almost time for rent to be due, so I didn’t have the slack to buy a bus ticket. But Edward knew all that. He left me with no option to follow him on purpose. He was done with me, but I wasn’t going to accept that. I needed to at least apologize for behaving so appallingly and tell him I was wrong. I didn’t have a shred of confidence that he would take me back, but I had to try.

 

I picked up the phone and dialed the Berkshire house. I paced a little as I waited for someone to answer, and it was picked up on the second ring.

 

“Hello?”

 

I couldn’t contain the barrage of words that flew out of my mouth when he answered. “Edward! What the fuck? Why did you leave? You didn’t even take your phone! How could you take the kids away from me!”

There was a pause and then he spoke, his voice firm and steady. “You’re bad for them right now. Your moods are too erratic.” He sounded so cold, so icy.

“Fuck, Edward, I’m a mess right now, don’t you know that? How can you do this to me?”

“Who the fuck is Marcy, Jacob,” he snapped. I’d never heard his voice like that before.

How did he know about Marcy? “What?”

“You heard me.”

 

I opened the laptop and pressed a key to wake it up. Sure enough, Marcy’s Facebook profile was pulled up and the chat session from this morning was open. The one where I called the lunch a date. Fuck!

 

“Shit, Edward. It’s not what you think. I—”

 

Edward didn’t let me explain. He just hung up on me. Holy shit, what was I going to do? He wasn’t going to listen to me over the phone, no matter how many times I might try. After holding out for about twenty minutes, just pacing the length of the apartment, the urge to prove myself innocent to Edward compelled me to try calling again.

 

As predicted, the phone rang until the answering machine picked up. The Cullens were so weird about things. They didn’t always update or replace appliances and electronics. If it worked, they still used it. They still held on to an 8-track player that was often put to use. But honestly, who still had a house phone, let alone an answering machine?

 

Knowing my message would be heard by anyone who might be standing nearby the device, I hoped that none of the others were there. They usually told us when they were in the state, so it was probably just Edward and the kids.

 

“You’ve reached the Cullens. Please leave a message.”

 

When the machine beeped, I couldn’t hold back my desperation for Edward to hear me out, and my voice was strained with the effort it took not to cry.

“Edward? Edward! I know you’re there, please pick up! Edward, you have to let me explain! Please, please call me.” A sob escaped before I could stop it. “Oh, Edward.” Tears stung my eyes. “Fuck.”

After ending the call, I just stared at the phone in my hand. I had to go to him. I had to think of some way.


	11. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N1: VERY IMPORTANT: This chapter makes mention of Edward’s former marriage to Bella. In the very first chapter of Consequence of Heat, I did mention a former relationship between Bella and Edward, though I provided no other details. For my purposes, they did meet and marry, and Jacob was angry about it. After their wedding, Jacob confronted Edward in his rage, and when their eyes met, he imprinted. Bella, feeling betrayed, left Edward and the rest is history.
> 
> A/N2: My apologies for not responding personally to reviews for the Jacob outtake. It was an insanely busy week, but I loved and appreciated all of your responses! Special thanks to 4mejasper for the beta 

**Chapter 9**

**EPOV**

 

 

“Wow, you slept for two whole days almost.” Alice looked mock-astonished as she stood with her hand on the handle of the fridge. She swung the door open and took out the sandwich bread. “Welcome back to the world, brother.”

 

My grin turned into a yawn and Alice laughed at me. I stretched as I asked her where the kids were.

 

“Oh, they’re playing on that playscape again. They’re nuts about that thing. Esme is with them. I came in to make some PB&Js for them. Help me.”

 

She shoved the bag of bread at me as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes with my shirt sleeve. Then she laid out the peanut butter and jelly containers, along with two knives. I began to dole out the slices of bread.

 

“Jacob’s been calling.” I looked at up at her, but her eyes were focused on creating the sandwich. “Twice a day. Before work and after work, I assume. Usually we don’t answer.”

 

“And when you do?”

 

“It’s always the same,” she replied vaguely.

 

“What the hell is that, Alice.”

 

“Okay,” she said with a sigh. “He wants to talk to you. ‘Just hand him the phone. Pretend I’m someone else.’ He doesn’t believe that you were sleeping so long.”

 

“Hmmm.”

 

“What, nothing to say? This news doesn’t affect you?”

 

“What do you want, Alice? Of course, it affects me! I don’t want to hurt him, but I’m sick of being hurt myself. I wouldn’t have left if I had another choice.”

 

“I get that. You guys, you fight all the time. It’s crazy. Maybe not, like, active fighting, but like little disagreements that add up. You know, now that I think about it, the last few times I saw you both, I guess there were some signs. Some tension.

 

“The way you glared at each other at one point...so much resentment and stress directed at each other. I knew this was coming, even though I couldn’t See it. You’re both forever young and stubborn. There’s no way it WASN’T going to happen. But you’re good for each other, you NEED each other, and I think he’ll see that now that you’re gone.”

 

She watched as she very deliberately placed the jam down on the counter after she had taken a year to spread it on her slice. Then she looked up at me, her wide eyes boring dramatically into my soul. “You did what you could, and this was the final straw. Now, it is up to him.”

 

I nodded solemnly as she turned to fetch the peanut butter. When she turned back, she went on.

 

“You’re both strong personalities. You both want things to be YOUR way, and you’ve both got tunnel vision now, only seeing how it affects yourself, but not really seeing what the other is going through. That’s tough, man.”

 

Alice set the knife down and leaned closer, her hands giving her a boost over the counter. She leaned forward even further until she was only a few inches away from me. “And now that you’re human again, you need someone strong to protect you.”

 

Except I knew what she was really saying. There was a shift in my brain—the dormant adolescent—and I was seething, my hands clenched into fists and my teeth bared. She flinched away.

 

“I. Don’t. Need. Taking. Care. Of!”

 

She scrambled to make it better. “No, of course you don’t. I’m sorry, Edward. It’s just nice to have, that’s all. I love how Jasper protects me.”

 

I gritted my teeth. “Yes, but then that makes me the girl.”

 

“Oh, Edward. Just accept it.” I bristled, but she gave me no window to respond. “I only meant that _that_ is the purpose of the imprint. Yeah, it made you able to do what only women have previously done. It was fated that you and Jacob would produce a hybrid child that would bring our species together! It’s an amazing thing.”

 

“But what happens to _us_ after?” I half-whined.

 

“That part wasn’t written by the imprint. It was only there as a means to create the child. He’s an Alpha. It’s conceivable that he could fuck just about any creature and make it bear his spawn. It just happened that you were the best candidate for that. Maybe your genes are superior when matched with his. Your children are all truly magnificent in many ways.”

 

This was a lot to process. I felt like I couldn’t wrap my head around it all. “Stop talking, Alice.”

 

“No, seriously! This has been fated since you met Ephraim Black at the treaty signing. You were the lone vampire in a group of five, so naturally all eyes drew to you, to see what was wrong with you. Ephraim was straight and married, but he felt pity for you. How could something so beautiful be alone? Something about you that day imprinted itself on Ephraim’s cells. The imprint was passed on through their blood. Perhaps Billy Black might have fallen for you if the circumstances were right.”

 

“So you’re telling me that the imprint doesn’t guarantee love.”

 

“I don’t think so. Love has to be real.”

 

My heart sank along with my shoulders. She looked at me with sympathy. “I’m sorry to be so blunt. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

 

“Just forget it, Alice.” I had to get out of there. There was too much information to process. Were we doomed to fail? If Jacob had fallen out of love with me and taken up with this Marcy woman, what was I supposed to do after spending months trying to fix us, and he found his solace in some woman’s arms? “The kids need to have their lunch.”

 

Alice nodded and I grabbed the sandwiches, turning to leave.

 

Before I could get away, the phone rang. We looked at each other; she was nervous, biting her lip. My jaw clenched and I shook my head no. She nodded solemnly and took a deep breath, then picked up the phone. “Hello?”

 

“ _Alice!..............need to….Edward….really….to._ ”

 

“He doesn’t want to talk to you.” She sounded quite firm.

 

The volume of his voice went up; he was getting angry. “ _But……….fucking…!…you tell him…….._.”

 

“Jacob! I’m sorry.”

 

There was a lot of muffled, incoherent shouting over the receiver, and I was grateful that I couldn’t quite make out what he was saying. I was sure I didn’t want to know.

 

When Alice hung up, I couldn’t look at her, so I took the sandwiches and left. I just felt too awkward and embarrassed. Not just about Jacob’s behavior, but my own part in this as well. I expected him to understand where I was coming from, but maybe I wasn’t giving anything back. Maybe he felt the same way about me that I did about him. What was I doing wrong?  

 

**~SOD~**

 

Jacob called twice a day, every day, but I refused to talk to him. Time made it easier for me not to speak to him. My heart had hardened to the point where I didn’t think there was anything he could possibly say to make things better. However, as time went on and three days passed, the children were missing their Papa, and they began asking after him.

 

Sarah was sitting at the table, staring at her untouched breakfast. She turned her luminous green eyes on me, and when she spoke, her voice wavered.

 

“Daddy? Why isn’t Papa here yet?”

 

I hesitated, caught off guard and not knowing what to say. I glanced over at Alice, who was bouncing Billy on her knee, a frown marring her petite features.

 

“Uh, he’s still working, baby. You know Papa works really hard.”

 

Sarah nodded solemnly, her lower lip quivering. “But I miss him.”

 

I was at a loss for words and I looked away, fighting back tears of my own. Esme walked over to Sarah and put her arms around the little girl’s shoulders, hugging her tightly. “Of course you do, dear. Papa misses you too. I’m sure he’ll come here as soon as he can.”

 

Sarah nodded again, sniffling. She looked forlorn, like she didn’t really believe what Esme had said.

 

“Hey, Sarah. Why don’t we take a walk to the lake?” Alice said, trying to divert Sarah’s attention. It worked—Sarah loved going swimming. I mouthed a thank you to Alice as Sarah clapped her hands with excitement and rushed off to get into her swimsuit. Before long, both kids were ready, and Alice left with them.

 

I collapsed on the couch in the living room, unsure what to do. Sarah had noticed Jacob’s absence now. How could I explain the situation to her in a way that made sense? I had no idea. Sighing heavily, I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the back of the couch. There were soft footsteps and a rustling, and when I opened my eyes, Esme was sitting on the armchair next to the couch, gazing at me with concern.

 

“Edward, how did things deteriorate like this? What changed?”

 

Even though I’d told her already the night I’d arrived, I reiterated the situation. “Our circumstances changed, financially and career-wise, and he takes out all of his frustrations on me, because he has no one else to talk to. His father died suddenly and the pack drifted apart, and we’re all the way across America anyway.”

 

“So he still feels alone, even though you are right there beside him.”

 

“Yes,” I whispered, looking at the floor.

 

“And he’s sleeping with a woman?”

 

“I’m not sure if he’s sleeping with her. He may be using her for emotional support behind my back. I’m not sure what would be worse. Whether he cheated on me physically or emotionally.”

 

“I doubt he’s having sex with her. That boy only has eyes for you. And those eyes don’t hide their amorous looks when you’re around.”

 

“I don’t know, Esme. Maybe he needed to try something else. Something I can’t give him. After all, I’ve been with a girl, why shouldn’t he get to?”

 

She shook her head vehemently. “No, Edward. I see what you’re saying, but I just don’t see that happening. He doesn’t want a woman. Jacob loves only you with his body.”

 

I sighed. “But not with his heart.”

 

“We don’t know that,” Esme said firmly. She paused, clasping her hands together. “Maybe you should get married.”

 

“Wait, what?” My eyebrows rose. “Have you been listening to this conversation?”  

 

“No, I mean it, Edward. Maybe you guys should actually get legally married. You can in this state, and yet you never did. Why not?”

 

Does marriage solve everything for women? Maybe it did for women in my mother’s time. “I did that once, with Bella, and look how that turned out.”

 

“This isn’t the same.”

 

“I don’t want another wedding and he doesn’t have a problem with that. We’re domestic partners and we’re good with that. It’s all the same rights, but no spectacle required.”

 

“It wouldn’t have to be,” she argued.

 

“Oh please, you all would turn it into one. Particularly you and Alice.”

 

She smiled knowingly and leaned toward me, her hands on her knees propping her. She looked like she was going to say the most scandalous thing.

 

“So elope,” she said conspiratorially. I shook my head at her, but she pressed on. “Just to solidify your bond.” A dreamy expression crossed her face as she stared past me, her eyes unfocused. “Say the words to each other as you gaze into one another’s eyes. Agreeing to marry each other might bring the spark back and make you remember why you fell for each other in the first place.” She smiled, her belief in her romantic notion of us total.

 

I burst her little bubble. “Esme, Jacob doesn’t even want it.” My voice was testy. “So who cares?”

 

“Ok, forget it,” she said, mock-swatting me with her hand. “Sorry I brought it up.”

 

“Thank you,” I said, my expression gloomy.

 

“So.” She dragged the word out, looking up at me through her eyelashes. “How’s your sex life?”

 

“Esme!”

 

“What?” she asked, the picture of innocence.

 

“Don’t you think I get enough sex questions and jokes from Emmett?”

 

She pouted. “I thought I was your friend.”

 

“Yeah, but…you’re also like my mom.”

 

“Fine, but come on, Edward. I don’t want to know details, I just want to know if you’re doing it. So, how’s your sex life.”

 

“Barely there,” I said flatly.

 

“Oh, well, there’s your problem. You have to get that piece of it back, Edward. It’s the essential piece. Without it, you’re just two people living together. Like your brothers.”

 

“Ugh. Mom.”

 

She laughed. “You know what I mean. Like when your brothers live in the same house.”

 

“Yeah, I know. It’s just, the kids are so exhausting and they’re all over me all day. I just want time for myself when they go to bed.”

 

“Understandable. And Jacob goes off to work all day and is apart from the family. He comes home and the kids go to bed shortly after, and then his mate is busy pursuing other interests, so he’s alone in his own home. He probably feels like YOU are the one that doesn’t care about what he needs. And you kind of don’t. Or at least, you care more about your own needs. And that’s normal, but people have to make concessions to make things work sometimes. You are both going to need to make changes. But only the two of you can decide what those changes will be.”

 

I’d never thought of it that way, and it made a lot of sense. What if I was mirroring Jacob’s behavior back to him, or worse, if I was the one being mirrored? Before I could think too hard about it, Esme continued.

 

“So, anyway...that’s my advice. Have more sex.”

 

I sighed, knowing she was right, but also knowing it would be tough to add more sex to our lives. “But we’re always so tense. Kind of kills the mood. And the kids, taking care of them is really exhausting.”

 

“The kids sleep. And the rest, well, do it anyway.” She shrugged and smiled. “You might find it was worth the effort.”

 

An image of the two of us played in my mind, Jacob and I baring our teeth and snarling, me pinned to the wall with his hard, thick cock pummeling my ass. I swallowed hard and shook my head to clear it before speaking. “Uh, have you done that?”

 

She smiled. “Slept with Carlisle when I was cranky? Lots of times. Sometimes, those are the best times.”

 

I thanked God that my gift barely worked anymore as she got a dreamy look in her eye. I did not want to see Esme having hot, angry sex. I tried to suppress a shudder. Then I found myself remembering my last time with Jacob, when he fucked me into the sofa. That had been fucking amazing.

 

Esme cleared her throat and I snapped out of my daydream. I blushed and a huge grin broke out on her face. My humanity was still a novelty to her.

 

She didn’t look directly at me as she said, “So, er, Carlisle is coming.”

 

Wait, my father was leaving Oregon, where he rules the whole kingdom of vampires, to tend to me? “What?”

 

“Well, you know Carlisle can’t bear to see his children in pain. He feels a special pull to each of us. You, me, Rosalie, Emmett. He made us with his own venom. We are his progeny, and he would fight to the death for you.”

 

I gasped, taken aback. “Esme, surely he doesn’t plan to—”

 

“Oh, no!” she said quickly, waving her hands. “No, it was just a figure of speech. A poor one. He WOULD fight to the death for you; you know that because of what happened to Aro.” It was true; he had killed Aro for me. “But in this case, he just wants to make sure you’re okay and see if there’s anything he can do, because he loves you, Edward. And I love you. All of us do. We only want you to be happy. Whether that’s with Jacob or without him, we’ll stand by you no matter what.”

 

“I know. Thank you.” Tears prickled behind my eyes. There was going to be no stopping them. Esme just scooted closer on the couch and hugged me close.

 

That was the second time I’d cried over this on a woman’s shoulder.

  
  
 **A/N:** A lot of talking in this one, huh? What did you think of what Alice and Esme had to say to Edward? And now Carlisle is coming too!

 


	12. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

**EPOV**

 

After five days of avoiding Jacob’s calls, twice a day, morning and night like clockwork, the phone stopped ringing. I'd hoped he would come after me, but it looked like he had given up. Of course, I hadn’t given him any reason to hope, so I shouldn't have been surprised, but I found myself feeling disappointed and went to bed on the sixth day with a heavy heart.

 

The next morning, I came downstairs to find Carlisle had arrived while I was sleeping. Sarah was beyond excited, throwing herself into his open arms and not letting go of her grandpa for a solid hour. Her joy made me forget my sadness for a while and the morning was filled with laughter and Sarah’s tales of school and the playground, which Carlisle ate up like any good grandpa would.

 

The kids were feeling restless by then and although Carlisle’s arrival distracted Sarah from asking questions about Jacob’s whereabouts for a while, she was in need of a new distraction by the afternoon. Esme and Alice took both Billy and Sarah out on an excursion to a nearby petting zoo and ice creamery, leaving me alone with my father for a couple of hours, giving us a chance to talk.

 

As we sat together in his study, a feeling of dread crept over me. I didn’t really want to rehash the whole story again—part of me just wanted to forget the whole thing and pretend like nothing had happened. But Carlisle was neglecting his duties and had flown out here for the very purpose of coming to my aid, so I didn’t have much choice. I owed him an explanation.

 

He asked me what was happening and I ran over the same story I told Alice and Esme. I omitted any mention of sex; I just felt weird talking about that with my dad. It was bad enough that Esme had pressed me about it. Thankfully Carlisle didn't ask about that part. I felt a little uncomfortable as I explained the situation. I hated that I was the reason Carlisle left his important post in Oregon; it was embarrassing that he felt the need to come out here because my relationship had gone sour. I knew it was because he loved me—maybe a bit more than the others, save for Esme. But all the same, I felt ashamed.

 

After I relayed the part about Marcy and my decision to leave, I fell silent and he regarded me quietly for several moments as he collected his thoughts, which only increased my agitation. I felt like I was in the hot seat, the way he was looking at me. Finally, he cleared his throat in the old familiar human way and spoke.

 

“Esme told me about your money troubles. Surely that only contributes to the stress you both are feeling. If you are in such dire financial straits, why didn’t you tell me? I would have helped you in a heartbeat.”

 

“I know, Carlisle, but…” I trailed off as I watched him walk over to his desk and open the secretary cover. He removed a false inlay and pulled out a thick wad of bills.

 

“Carlisle, no,” I said emphatically, shaking my head. “Seriously, I can’t take it.”

 

“You need it, Edward.”

 

My head kept shaking with my continued refusal. “It would hurt his pride too much. I’d have to talk to him first.”

 

“Fair enough,” he said with a sigh as he put the wad of money back, hesitating before he replaced the inlay. He was obviously extremely reluctant to keep it, but he also knew me well enough to know I wasn't going to budge. Returning to sit in the armchair beside mine, he moved on to his next point. “It seems to me that you two need to talk about more than just money.”

 

“I know. We do. I've tried, but he doesn’t listen. I want to help him but he won't let me.”

 

Carlisle nodded thoughtfully, looking off into space for a few moments. When his eyes focused on me again, he pursed his lips, looking a little uncomfortable.

 

“How are things in the...erm...bedroom?”

 

I closed my eyes and wiped a hand over my face in frustration. Seriously, why was everyone so interested in that?

 

“It's an essential part of any relationship.”

 

It took me a moment to realize I'd spoken out loud. Sighing, I opened my eyes again, but didn’t look at him as I reluctantly answered his query. “It doesn't happen often enough, but I thought when we did do it, it was good. Apparently he has other ideas though." I gestured to my flat chest, indicating that Jacob might have a new interest in the breasts I didn’t have.

 

Carlisle chuckled, which brought my gaze back to glare at him. “I suppose it is possible, but I don’t believe Jacob would cheat on you. If nothing else, the imprint wouldn't allow him to.”

 

“Ah, yes, the imprint. The reason for all of this.”

 

“You’ve been through a lot in this life together, son.”

 

“And it all led to this.” I made a sweeping gesture with one hand. “This...mess...was the purpose of all of it?”

 

“No, the children are the purpose. That, and the fact you are living proof that it is possible for a vampire to become human again. Yours and Jacob’s relationship has been vital to the merging of our species. I believe that was the true purpose of the imprinting.”

 

“Well, that’s just great, but apparently, the imprint isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, is it? He’s supposed to love and protect me unconditionally, but he says he doesn’t need me anymore. According to the rules of imprinting, we shouldn’t even be able to have these sorts of problems.”

 

“Edward, the imprint will always hold you two together. But you’re wrong. When you love someone intimately and for as long as you two have, you’re bound to clash over things. Look at Emmett and Rosalie. They fight all the time. Even Esme and I have our moments.”

 

“Not this bad though.”

 

“No, but you need to remember who you two are. Let’s face reality,” he said, giving me a pointed look. “Two essentially adolescent boys were never going to have an easy ride forever. You were bound to have a blow up of enormous proportions eventually. The question is, can you recover? Do you even want to? Because I could take you home with me, Edward—you and the kids. You wouldn’t have to be alone like you were before Jacob, before Bella. You’re young, and special—”

 

“And saddled with three kids,” I was quick to remind him.

 

He nodded emphatically. “Like I said, special. I’m certain men would be lined up around the compound for a chance to court you. You’d be beating off potential suitors with a stick.”

 

I looked at the floor and smiled as I imagined that. “Father, thank you for trying to cheer me up. But I don’t want someone else, so stop trying to set me up.”

 

“I’m not!” Carlisle replied indignantly, looking affronted at the suggestion.

 

I snorted. “Listen to yourself, Carlisle!”

 

His brow furrowed as he reviewed what he’d said in his mind. Then, he smiled. “Yes, I suppose I was,” he conceded, having the decency to look abashed.

 

“Well, I appreciate that, Dad, but I want Jacob. The Jacob that he used to be.”

 

“Edward, I understand. But depression is a serious illness. He won’t be the same unless he gets help, but you can’t make him do that. No one can. He has to make that decision for himself.”

 

“I know. I’ve tried so hard, but it did nothing.”

 

“A depressed person needs outside perspective. He probably feels like he can’t explain everything to you without hurting you. I am sure you are aware that some of his troubles may even stem from you.”

 

Over the last several days, I had considered that possibility, although I wasn’t entirely sure what I might have done to exacerbate his condition. “I do understand that he might not want to tell me everything. But he won’t see someone. I’ve suggested an anonymous group setting, and one-on-one counseling. He has said no vehemently and explicitly each time though.”

 

Carlisle nodded. “Men have trouble admitting weakness, particularly an alpha male like Jacob.”

 

I scoffed, running a hand through my hair. “Great. Well, where does that leave me?”

 

His eyes filled with sympathy. “You just have to wait, if you’re willing to do that. You can’t fix him. Jacob is the only one who can make changes, and he has to recognize that he has a problem first, and then want to fix it.”

 

I sighed deeply. “You’re right, Carlisle. I know you are.”

 

“I know it’s hard to hear, son.” He gave me a pitying look and laid a comforting hand on my shoulder. “I think the best we can hope for is that Jacob realizes what he's missing now that you're gone, and that will force him to do something about his behavior if he wants you back. If you want to go back, that is.”

 

I just nodded, not knowing what else to say. I honestly wasn't sure what I wanted to happen, and running over this whole thing again was making me feel exhausted. Carlisle seemed to recognize that I was done talking for the time being, and he rose from his seat.

 

“I’ll let you think things through now. But know that my offer still stands. If you want to come back with me, you can. We’d be happy to have you.”

 

“Thanks, Dad.”

 

**~SOD~**

 

For the next several days I holed up in my bedroom. Carlisle, Alice and Esme had given me a lot to ponder and as the days wore on with no more calls from Jacob, I had given up on my last shred of hope. My family did everything they could to occupy the children and give me the space and time I needed to come to a decision and mourn my apparent loss.

 

I began to second guess leaving him the way I did, particularly in the mental state that he was in. It was hard to believe that he hadn’t come to get me and the kids yet, and eventually I began to think that instead of seeking solace in Marcy’s arms as I'd been inclined to believe until that point, maybe he'd gone and killed himself. Would I feel it if he did? Would the imprint tear my heart in two if he died, or would I feel an emptiness like the one I was feeling now? I had nothing to base it on, no way to know. My brain couldn’t comprehend that possibility, and I did a lot of sleeping.

 

Finally, on the eleventh day of my self-imposed exodus, I decided to call him. Just to see if he was alive. But the phone went straight to voicemail, no answers to be had. On autopilot, I tucked the kids into bed as I had every other night.

 

As I trudged up the stairs back to my room, I heard a distinctive sound in the distance. It was getting louder by the second, the unmistakable rumbling of an antique motorcycle engine. My heart leapt into my throat as I ran down the stairs. The others had heard it too and were already grouped at the bottom of the stairs near the door. The noses of my parents and sister wrinkled as his pungent scent drew ever closer.

 

I had all but given up on him coming for us, but the delay made sense to me now. He'd been left with no other option but to fix that bike. I wondered where he found the money for it. The engine gave a final roar before it cut out in front of the house and heavy footsteps clamored up the porch steps.

 

I had a split second to decide what I wanted to do. My family was all looking at me standing frozen to the spot, still unsure. Now I would have to face with the truth, regardless of how ready I was to deal with it.

 

%MCEPASTEBIN%


	13. Chapter 11

_**Last time:** _ _The engine gave a final roar before it cut out in front of the house and heavy footsteps clamored up the porch steps._

_I had a split second to decide what I wanted to do. My family was all looking at me standing frozen to the spot, still unsure. I was about to be faced with the truth, regardless of how ready I was to deal with it._

**Chapter 11**

**EPOV**

_I don't have to answer it._

Carlisle was staring intently at me. He must have been thinking very hard for me to hear his thought. The knock came before I was ready, and Carlisle looked over at the door before glancing back at me. I was standing off to the side, out of Jacob's sight if the door opened. If Jacob couldn't see me, he wouldn't realize I could hear him, and that would give me more time to gauge the situation and organize my thoughts. I nodded at Carlisle and he returned it, composing his face into a stern expression as he strode the two steps forward and opened the door.

My father didn't say anything; he just glared at my mate. I couldn't see Jacob from where I was standing, but after a few moments of silence, he spoke.

"Please, Carlisle. Let me speak to him." His tone was pleading; I could only imagine what he looked like.

Carlisle remained stone-faced. "He doesn't want to see you, Jacob." I never witnessed Carlisle act so heartlessly. It was a little unnerving, and I felt sorry for Jacob being on the receiving end of that look.

"I know," Jacob insisted, and I could picture his forehead scrunching up as he tried to tamp down the wolf's anger, "but I came all this way. I need to speak to him."

My father didn't have it in him to keep up the act. He frowned and sighed, crossing his arms in front of him. "Jacob, this puts me in an awkward position. You're family, Jacob, but Edward and I have an unbreakable bond, and I will always choose to help him. Edward is my son, and it is my duty to protect him. You've hurt him enough."

There was a pause before Jacob said firmly, "I know what I've done, Carlisle. That's why I need to talk to him."

Before I even knew what I was doing, I moved toward the door. "It's okay, Carlisle."

"Edward?" Jacob's voice wavered, but I could hear relief in his tone.

Carlisle looked me in the eye to make sure I really wanted him to back off. Realizing I did want to speak to Jacob, he nodded at me and stepped away from the door, ushering Esme and Alice back into the living room as I stepped up to take his place in the doorway.

Jacob looked hopeful as we made eye contact. Even though it was obvious he'd been riding his bike hard and fast, he still looked immaculate and drop dead gorgeous with his flawless tan skin and black leather riding jacket. His short hair was a bit tousled by the wind, but there were no other signs of wear on him. Nothing except for the dark rings under his eyes, which told me he hadn't been sleeping much, and may not have been eating well either.

"Let's go outside."

He swiftly backed up to allow me room to exit before going down the porch steps and standing next to the bike. I followed him down the steps, but stopped on the second to last one to leave some space between us. It seemed right that I be the taller one for this conversation.

"You fixed the bike."

He ran a hand through his hair as he looked back at the vehicle. "Yeah, I had to order a special part. I wanted to be here a lot sooner."

"You stopped calling."

"You never talked to me. And once the part came, I was focused on fixing the engine so I could come see you. I knew you'd never talk to me over the phone."

"What would be the point? You had Marcy anyway."

Jacob sighed. "Oh, Edward, Marcy isn't anybody. She's just—"

I didn't want to hear his excuses. "Where did you get the money to fix it?"

A nervous hand carded through his hair. "Erm, Marcy lent it to me."

"Ah, of course. There's that name again. A name I hadn't heard until about two weeks ago. Mar-ceee." I drew out her name with a sneer in my voice.

He sighed again before looking up at me with earnest eyes. "It's not like that, Ed. I know what you think, but she's just a friend, I swear. On our kids' lives, I swear."

Jacob wouldn't swear on the kids like that unless he was dead serious, so I was reassured that he hadn't slept with her. "Okay."

A flash of relief flickered over his face before he turned puppy-dog eyes on me again. "Really, Edward, I wouldn't want anyone else but you."

"Not even a girl?" I asked, still a little insecure.

" _Especially_ not a girl." He chuckled. "I don't want a girl, babe. I need proof I've done a good job," he said with a wry grin.

As much as I wanted to remain hard and firm, I couldn't help smiling at him and his dirty mind. He grinned widely back, and we shared a moment before he got back to his explanation.

"Marcy is just this girl at work who noticed I seemed sad a few weeks ago. She decided she wanted to help me, to have me be her project, I guess. Anyway, we slowly became friends and eventually, I trusted her enough to accept her help."

"God, Jake, can't you understand how much that hurts me to hear? _I_ wanted to help you, Jake. But you wouldn't let me. I wanted to love you, but you wouldn't let me."

Sadness clouded his eyes and he looked down at his boots. "I know, Edward, but you couldn't see it from my perspective. I know you tried to, but you haven't really…been in my shoes. Marcy has—she went through almost the same shit. She showed me what I should be doing. The day you left was the day I was coming home to tell you I was going to see someone."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise and it encouraged Jacob to go on.

"Yeah, Marcy gave me her therapist's name. She said I was too involved in my own problems and couldn't see how my moods were affecting everyone around me. She could smell my misery a mile away. Marcy was me only six months ago, and her doctor fixed her. That convinced me to try, for your sake and mine."

I crossed my arms. "So you needed an outside person to reinforce everything I told you and make you believe all the things I've been telling you for months?"

He shook his head and caught my eye again. "No, I needed to hear it from someone who doesn't care about me like you do, who isn't invested in what happens to me. I expect you to say those things to me because you would do and say anything to boost me up, and to keep things good for you too. That's why it was hard for me to listen, Edward. I thought you were more focused on making your own life better rather than really caring about my happiness."

Finally hearing what he thought my motive was, my angry facade deflated and my shoulders drooped with guilt. "That's crazy, Jacob," I whispered, my throat tight.

"I know that now. But Edward, it was easier to listen to her because she's been where I am. She's experienced it personally, and she's come back from that place."

"That's why I told you to try a group, Jacob."

He sighed at me. "I know, Edward. You were right, okay? I should have listened to you. But I'm cool now. I'm ready to take control of my life and come back from the edge, and I'll do whatever it takes to get there. You both helped me get here and I'm ready to get my life back."

I breathed in deeply through my nose and held it for a few seconds before releasing the air again. I wanted to believe him, but my doubt still nagged at me. "I don't know if I can trust you," I said quietly to my shoes.

"I know. I wouldn't trust me either. But Edward, I love you." I looked up to meet his gaze, and his eyes were clear and wide, honest and pleading. "I'm so sorry I said I didn't need you. You were right about everything, but I was too blind to it. I didn't want you to be right. And, as torturous as it was, I'm grateful for the time apart, because it showed me how much I would miss you if you were gone and how much you actually do for me every day."

"Like?" Yeah, I was fishing for compliments. Sue me.

"I don't know, little things. Like having the coffee already made when I wake up, or nice, folded shirts. Left alone, I would be a coach potato surrounded by my own filth and shit. I do need you, Edward. I'm sorry. Please come home. I still can't accept money from Carlisle, but I've seen the therapist once already, and another appointment on Thursday. I want us to be happy. I'll do anything. Please, just come home."

I worried my lip, considering his plea. I was more than aware that Carlisle, Alice and Esme were just inside, listening to every word. I was uneasy about what they would think of my decision, but my heart wouldn't allow me to refuse Jacob. I knew he was being heartfelt and forthright. After a few decades, you know when your mate is lying to you, and Jacob was being honest. I had taken too long to respond, it seemed, because Jacob began to look nervous.

"After all we have been through—the imprint, childbirth, the kidnapping— we shouldn't let this spoil us. I mean, we've survived so much together. I wish you could still read my mind, then you'd believe me. I need you to believe me."

I looked away from his pleading eyes as he gazed up at me from the bottom of the steps. My family's thoughts were loud and direct—they must have been concentrating really hard so I would hear them.

_Oh, Edward, he's learned his lesson._

_I believe him, son._

_Come on, brother! You know you want to._

Even without my family members obnoxiously trying to influence me, I believed him. I could see the truth in his eyes, truly a window into his soul.

"I believe you," I whispered.

Jacob let out a huge sigh of relief as he rushed up the stairs, grabbing me in a tight embrace, as though he were afraid I might run again. To assuage his fears, I returned his embrace just as tightly, burying my face in the crook of his neck as I heard faint cheering inside the house. We deeply breathed in each other's scent, and I realized I couldn't remember the last time we hugged. I was never going to let a day go by without touching again.

.

Tears prickled behind my eyes. I had given up on Jacob returning for me, and for the first time, I felt overwhelmingly happy to be wrong. Feeling my tears against his skin, Jacob pulled back just enough to look at me, cupping my cheek and tilting my face up toward his.

"Don't cry, baby," he said quietly. "I won't hurt you again. I promise."

I nodded quickly, composing myself. "I want to believe that."

"I understand, Edward. Thank you for giving me a second chance. I know I don't deserve it. I won't disappoint you. You're everything to me. You'll see."

And then he kissed me, sealing all the promises he'd just made to me. I melted into his strong arms, arms I wasn't sure would ever hold me again. There was more we needed to talk about, but it could wait. Our tongues touched and our hands groped each other's backs as we gave ourselves over to the passion that always simmered beneath the surface.

Only Alice's catcalls kept us from making love right there on the porch broke apart laughing, both embarrassed that they were watching and frustrated that we had to stop. Jacob smiled at me and leaned in to whisper in my ear.

"You know, if you wanted a normal life, you probably shouldn't have gone and got knocked up by a shifter."

We both chuckled softly, embracing again, holding our bodies close. After a minute, Jacob pulled away, taking my hand and leading me down the two remaining porch steps.

"So, you wanna go for a spin? It runs like a dream."

While I did love the thought of wrapping my arms around his powerful body, I felt foolish riding on the back of a motorcycle like a girl. I crossed my arms and pouted. "You know I hate to ride in the back."

He laughed as he threw his leg over the bike, straddling it. "But you also don't like to drive it. You can, you know. You're allowed." He turned the key in the ignition and the engine roared to life. "Come on, baby, ride with me. No one's gonna see."

"They will!" I whined, nodding at the house where, sure enough, my parents and sister were peeking out around the curtains.

"They don't care," Jacob chided playfully. Then his gaze darkened, growing more lustful. He rubbed his crotch against the seat and growled out, "Come on, baby…I want to feel your body wrapped around me."

After a moment of deliberation, my desire to hold him like that won out over my embarrassment at being seen clinging to him. I strode to the bike and Jacob scooted forward in the seat to make room for me. Straddling the bike seat, I wrapped my arms around him and placed my feet on the footrests, the insides of my thighs gripping the outsides of his. He smelled like sweat and earth and wolf, and I breathed his scent in deeply as I wrapped my arms around his waist. The idling engine vibrated gently against my balls and I clung to Jacob's body, pressing my half hard cock against his lower back. He groaned and pushed back against me, giving my cock some welcome friction before kicking the bike into gear.

"Hang on tight, spider monkey," he said with a chuckle before he tore off down the driveway.


	14. Epilogue

 

**Epilogue**

**EPOV**

 

 

When we arrived home late the next night from the Berkshires, there was a letter waiting for Jacob from his job at the collection agency. He opened it while I ferried the sleeping children to their respective beds. When I came back into the room, Jacob’s face was etched with the all too familiar furrowed brow and deep frown, his eyes unfocused, lost in thought.

 

“What's wrong,” I asked, not sure I wanted to know the answer.

 

He snapped out of it, struggling to rearrange his features but failing miserably. His shoulders sagged and he just shook his head. I held my hand out to him and he gave me the letter before slumping down onto the sofa. A quick read through told me he'd been fired. My heart sank. I was sure that all the progress we'd made would be erased with this news.

 

"I'm sorry, Jake."

 

He shrugged and tried to look unaffected. "I guess I got so caught up with fixing the bike and getting you and the kids back, I forgot to call in sick. I didn’t even think about it. And now we're fucked."

 

Jacob sat quietly, looking down at his hands in his lap. This was all my fault. If I had just stayed and talked to him, if I hadn’t overreacted and run away like I so often did in the face of adversity, he would still have a job. Despite that, I wasn't worried about our future. Truly, we were better off without him working there. We would be okay, and I would make sure he believed that.

 

Determined not to let this new obstacle derail the promises he’d made to me, I climbed behind him and pulled him back between my open legs, massaging his lower back.

 

He melted into me and sighed heavily. “This sucks, babe, but I’m not going to let it get to me. I swear.”

 

“No, you won’t,” I said, resting my hands on his hips. “Think positive, love. This happened for a reason.” I slid my hands to the front of his pants and unzipped them. “That job was no good for you,” I whispered, licking the shell of his ear and pulled out his half-hard cock, making him gasp as I rubbed the tip with my thumb before setting a steady pace. “Now, we’ll both look for jobs, and whoever gets the better one will be the one who works. Sound good?”

 

“Yeah,” he whispered, his gaze fixed on my hand in his lap.

 

“And we’re going to take a loan from Carlisle. No arguments.” I squeezed his dick on the down stroke a little tighter than was comfortable.

 

He bit his lip and tilted his head to look at me, meeting my gaze. “Okay,” he said, with a nod.

 

Satisfied with that, I kissed him and did my damnedest to give him the best hand job ever. Judging by the strength of his orgasm minutes later, it was probably pretty close.

 

**~SOD~**

 

It ended up being me who found work outside the house, and fairly quickly at that. Carlisle’s loan gave us the opportunity to hold out for jobs we would enjoy. I had begun teaching a master class in classical music at New England Conservatory when the fall semester started. I was thrilled to have the chance to play again with regularity, and Jacob was more than happy to take a break from the working world and focus on the kids. Jacob had a natural protective, nurturing streak, so being the house daddy suited him well. He was happier, and so were the kids. They were thrilled with the extra time they got to spend with their papa. I was happier too, excited for the chance to get out of the house after staying at home for so long with the children. Once the paychecks started accumulating, I was going to buy Jacob an old clunker to tinker with when Billy napped and Sarah was at school.

 

Jacob was seeing Dr. Marcia on a regular basis and learning to control his anger and sadness, which had diminished greatly since he no longer had his terrible job. There were lingering feelings of loss over his father’s death and the distancing friendships within the pack, but Dr. Marcia was helping him compartmentalize those issues and deal with them in a healthy way. He didn’t really tell me how she was helping him cope, but I didn’t care what her methods were. I only cared that it was working.

 

He was still in touch with Marcy, even though he’d left the collection agency. We had her over for dinner sometimes, and I came to like her. She was fun and amusing, straightforward and a good friend to Jacob, which he needed. Some nights, he went out on the town with her, but I felt no jealousy. It was obvious to me after spending time with her that she wasn’t interested in stealing him away from me. She even babysat for us for free several times a month so we could go out on date nights and reconnect with each other. Our sex life had picked up too, when time allowed. We found ways to be with each other, whether it was in the car after one of our dates, or a quickie in the bathroom while the kids were otherwise occupied. Life was good, getting back to the way we used to be. Our relationship was normalizing, and we were all happier for it.

 

**~SOD~**

 

Jacob had just beaten the pants off me at Monopoly and was doing a ridiculous end zone victory dance. “What amazing self-expression, baby,” I teased.

 

He happened to be facing away from me, and he pulled down his shorts, exposing his perfectly curved, caramel globes for me. My cock jerked. “How’s that for an expression?” he teased, giving his ass a shake for good measure, before securing the waistband of his boxer briefs again.

 

“Oh, God!” I barked through my laughter.

 

He sauntered out to the kitchen for some snacks, I assumed. But a few minutes later, he came back empty handed. He strode over to the couch, his big frame towering over where I was sitting.

 

"Edward, I have something I’ve been meaning to ask you.”

 

I suppressed a shiver. He sounded so serious. “Fire away.”

 

He knelt down on the floor in front of me with an intense look in his eye.

 

“Edward Cullen, will you be my husband?

 

What? “I am, baby…”

 

“No, I mean officially. Will you marry me?”

 

“Jacob.” I paused trying to buy time to organize my thoughts. "I love you, but I don’t want to get married again. I’m sorry if you don’t understand why, but I can’t explain it better than I have before.”

 

“Not a wedding, baby. I don’t want that either. Let’s just go sign the papers. Justice of the Peace and all that.”

 

“Hmmm…”

 

“Come on, baby. I'm trying to do better. Aren't I doing better? "

 

“You are, Jake. So much better,” I assured him.

 

“Let's make a fresh start together then. Tell me, Edward, will you be my husband? Officially?”

 

He looked so hopeful and adoring in that moment and I found myself saying the words.

 

“I will.”

 

He grinned so wide I thought his face might crack in half. I returned his smile and he rose from the floor, gripping my thighs with his hands and kissing me soundly.

 

When we broke apart, I gave him a coy smile. “So...where's my engagement ring?”

 

He smiled slyly and stood up, turning and dropping his shorts, exposing his ass to me. Then he bent over and his cheeks spread a little giving me a glimpse of his entrance. He had already opened himself, probably when he had left the room earlier. He had planned this. Again, I found myself thanking a higher power for taking away my ability to hear thoughts, because this was a hot little surprise.

 

He chuckled and wiggled his ass at me. “How's that for a ring?”

 

My cock was hard almost instantly, but I managed to laugh. “Oh, Jacob, it's beautiful,” I replied half joking, half serious.

 

“Shall we see if it fits?”

 

I could only nod, my mouth going dry at his naughtiness.

 

He climbed onto my lap, straddling me and kissing me with everything he had. When he came up for air, he freed me from the confines of my pants and I sighed in relief as the cool air touched my overheated cock. He lifted himself off my lap and I raised my ass off the couch so he could push my pants and shorts down to pool at my ankles before he sat back down. I watched through half-closed eyes as he held himself up on his knees, one hand stroking my cock as the fingers of his other hand dove inside his body, stretching himself open for me.

 

When he was ready, he leaned in to kiss me again as he sank slowly down on my cock until his cheeks rested on my thighs. We both broke from the kiss and cried out when I was fully inside, my eyes rolling back in my head with the overwhelming pleasure of his silky, constrictive body wrapped around my straining cock.

 

Jacob gasped and threw his head back, circling his arms around my shoulders. “Argh, fits perfect,” he said with a groan.

 

I grunted. “Oh, God, you feel amazing.”

 

Jacob grinned and worked himself up to a steady rhythm. My movements were restricted by my pants around my ankles, but Jacob was in control of this. He fucked himself with my hard cock and all I could do was buck up into him, meeting him halfway. My hands traveled along his back, his thighs, his chest. One hand found its way down his crack and my fingers probed his stretched out ring, feeling my cock as it entered him, while the other found his nipple and twisted the raised nub.

 

“Fuck, Edward!” he cried. “Oh, please touch me.”

 

“I am touching you.”

 

He growled impatiently and ground his ass down on my lap, then leaned forward to try to rub his cock against my stomach for the friction he needed. Licking my palm, I grasped his thick cock, which jutted obscenely from between his legs, teasing me as it bounced around with his harsh movements. I held it tight and stroked him firmly, the smooth flesh hot and heavy in my hand. He cried out with my firm strokes and precum streamed from his slit as he got closer. He changed his angle so my cock would brush his sweet spot and banged down over me even faster, calling out incoherently as his prostate was massaged hard. Knowing his orgasm was imminent, I took my chance to gaze at his sexy body, feeling myself harden inside him to an impossible girth. I bit my lip and sucked in a sharp breath to try to stave off my release as I watched him use my body for his pleasure.

 

Watching him fuck himself on me, bouncing on my lap—it was impossible to look away. He was so beautiful; every muscle sculpted, covered in the smooth, almost hairless expanse of caramel skin. The sounds and expressions he made that were only for me—it was too much, too much emotion coursing through me too fast to identify. The sight of him astride me and the tight, silky friction around my cock made me lose the last shred of my control. I exploded inside him, and his back arched as he felt my hot release fill his body. He followed me closely, his cum painting my chest in thick streams.

 

Jacob collapsed against me, our chests heaving as we struggled to catch our breath after such an intense round of lovemaking. Soon, my softened cock slipped out of him and he sighed, turning his face into my neck and whispered promises against my skin, punctuating each one with soft kisses.

 

“I love you. I need you. Nothing can break us. You're mine and I'm yours. Forever.”

 

This time, I truly believed him.

 

 

 **Acknowledgments:** Thank you to 4mejasper for her wonderful friendship and for beta’ing this story for me. Thank you to JulieToo for lending a second set of eyes and edits to the last few pivotal chapters of this story. And last, but certainly not least, thank you to all of my faithful readers, those who favorited, followed, reviewed and just read along silently. Thank you for taking this journey with me. I hope you enjoyed the ride. I hope to write a new story soon.


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